Tuesday, November 10, 2009

♥

{/10:21 PM}

<3, Xue Er

♥

Had our OP today. That marked the end of PW.
Haha. I’m really relieved.
But I guess I’ll miss the PW days… rushing reports, joking around, going for lunch together, stoning for ages in front of 5 laptops and so on.
We’ve come a long way, 9 months to be exact.
There were of course ups and downs in our ‘PW journey’ but I’m glad it ended well. (: I guess this is one of the reasons why we have PW.
Somehow, we have ‘grown’ unknowingly.
Yeah, if you get what I mean.
Nevertheless, I’m so glad it is over!

This is the second last month of 2009.
I still can’t believe that 2009 is coming to an end.
Seems like I hadn’t accomplished much this year.
All I did was to go with the flow and kept moving forward.
Didn’t really take time to stop and reflect.
Oh well, maybe now is the time to do so. What should I say?
This year has been more than a roller coaster ride.
JC life really ain’t easy, gotta be the toughest period I’ve ever experienced I guess. Felt like I have been thrown into a whirlpool of emotions. Aha.
Is it right to describe it this way? I’m not gonna elaborate much.
Yeah, I’m rather lazy and there’s also no point mentioning about the past.
Perhaps I’ll reflect more towards the last few days of the year.

Gonna be back in the lab on Thursday.
Have to prepare myself for yet another challenge, H3 oral defence/ report and SSEF. Woo~, I’ve gotta admit that it’s really stressful.
I’m not sure if H3 is one of the reason why I did so badly academically, but I’m not gonna give it up.
I mean, I have given up many things because of H3, one of the most significant one would be hockey.
As much as I want to excel in every area, I have my limitations.
My grades would be a good explanation. I was too ambitious.
I thought I could handle everything well.
But in the end, I found myself struggling to fulfill my commitments.
At least I have only H3 and my studies to worry about now.
Definitely not trivial but at least I have more time as compared to before.
Haha. Shall take it as a lesson learnt (See how PW can be applied?).

Well, felt very discouraged after getting back my results.
Yeah, it was a big blow, especially since I’ve studied so hard.
And I’ve never ever gotten such horrendous grades in my entire life.
Oh well. Maybe I just need some proper time management.
But you know what? I only have myself to blame.
I started getting serious about my work only in term 3.
I had slacked all the way through the first half of the year.
Yup, that should be one of the reasons.
Complacency? It had played a small part too.

I would like to highlight a very important thing.
GOD HAS BEEN FAITHFUL.
Yes it’s true that I don’t understand why my grades are not as well as I’ve expected, why friendships fail, why family problems occur but God has never failed.
There must be a reason for everything that happens.
Perhaps this serves as a wake up call for me.
There is much to learn from the problem than just looking at the magnitude of the problem itself. What’s more, God is bigger than our problems!
God has been speaking to me and I understand why things do not go according to our will.
I’m waiting for that miracle in faith.
I want to see God working in my studies, in my relationships with others, in every aspect of my life.
I’m trusting in Him. Only Him.

{/10:08 PM}

<3, Xue Er

♥

The light that I'm looking forward to.

{/7:06 PM}

<3, Xue Er

♥

我必须放弃太多了。
如果当初没做出这决定，我现在会如何呢?
真的有很多想做的事。
但我一再又一再地被它拘束。

怎么办呢? 我好像越陷越深...
这无法成真的梦想为什么消失不了?

Chinese A level and PW OP are coming up!
Seriously can't wait for them to be over.
But then, I'll have H3 and hockey to worry about.
Hmm... let's just take one step at a time.

Have been worrying about all these stuff recently.
I'm wondering if I would have to give up hockey eventually.
Really have no choice.
Hmm... let's just see how it goes.

Getting back our results in a week's time.
Man, to be honest, I'm really afraid.
I just want my DDSS to retain my 4H2.
Yeah, I had put in so much effort and deserve much better grades.
But sometimes things do happen and you just have to accept whatever that comes in your way. Oh well.

I have many things to reflect on.
I think I've been doing things the wrong way.
I need to change! For the better or whatever it is.
Need to organise my thoughts too.
Have beeen distracted by too many unnecessary stuff.
Hah. I guess I need to isolate myself one day and just think about all that has happened this year.
But one thing I can be sure of: GOD IS GOOD! :D

{/6:50 PM}

<3, Xue Er

♥

{/8:35 PM}

<3, Xue Er

♥

如果我有选择，我不想有任何感情。干脆做个无情冷漠的人吧。
太痛了，心太痛了。我以为我不会在乎友情。
但我错了。没想到我其实还挂念着他们。
如果我没感情就好了。
可是这样一来，我还算是人吗？
大家不知怎么，没有任何理由就疏远了。
也没有人原意找出问题的根本。
现在该怎么办呢？放弃吗？
我想这可能是最好的办法吧。放弃吧雪儿，放弃吧。

对自己感到很失望。虽然我已经尽力了，但到头来还是没有成就。
我还能怨谁呢？知能怪自己吧。
应该是哪里出错了。
我答应自己这会是第一次也是最后一次。

累了，真的累了。真希望有个可以依靠的人。
我不奢望什么，只要你静静地守护着我。
你，你在地球的哪个角落呢？

Haha. Gonna start bloggging in Chinese as I desperately need to improve on my Chinese. MT A level is less than a month away yo!
Really don't wanna retake.
Promos have just ended. Oh boy, it really demoralised me.
Especially so when I've studied so hard!
Oh well. Sometimes things just don't go your way.
Praying hard that I wouldn't need to drop any subject.
Although Promos are over, many stressful commitments are coming my way. Whoo~ I'm really not prepared. Feel so drained mentally and physically.
Whatever it is, I still have to pull through all these, with God's strength of course! (:

{/8:07 PM}

<3, Xue Er

♥



There is hope in the Lord! (:

{/11:44 PM}

<3, Xue Er

♥

I don't wanna be the one looking at your back

It has been a long time! Aha.
I don't think anyone visits my blog anymore.
Blogging ain't interesting when life is so mundane.

I shall say something about H3 research.
I seriously didn't expect attachment to be so fun.
We're so blessed to be atttached to LSK lab.
It seeems like we're the only ones having fun in STaR. Haha.
Attachment was like a holiday for us man.
We eat, sit, sleep, enjoy the air-con, chat, laugh, crap, go KTV, play games, put on weight ...
But of course we complete our work first!

The first part of our project has been settled.
Hope the assays will be successful too. (:
Looking forward to full time attachment again in Nov!
Too bad the crappiest Underground won't be around anymore.
I've seriously learnt so much during the 5 weeks there.
Had many first time experiences too. Haha.

St. Marg's Speech Day was disappointing.
Friends were what made it worth going.
Due to H1N1, only prize winners and guests were present.
Even the teachers weren't there.
How boring can that be?
Felt quite lousy during the whole event. Oh wells.

School has been stressful.
I've so much to catch up on!
Skipping CT may not be a good thing after all.
It's so risky! Can't imagine myself failing Promos man.
This year is coming to an end but I'm still kinda lost in JC life.
Have been so busy that I don't even know what I've been doing.
That's really sad. Shan't talk about school anymore.
But come to think about it, there's nothing much to talk about except school stuff. Haha.

I'm not looking forward to next week at all.
WR draft one and final EOM have to be submitted.
And we have Bio A level SPA, Chem mock SPA and Math test.
Raah. Not forgetting tutorials that need to be done.
Poof. Sometimes I wish I can just disappear to somewhere.
Well, I can't think of anything else to share now.
Shall just edit this post when there's something interesting.
Till then! (:

Show me what love is, be my guiding star

{/11:27 PM}

<3, Xue Er

♥

I miss them.

{/11:35 PM}

<3, Xue Er

♥

And by faith I'll go on...

Life has been insane.
H3 STaR attachment has started.
I'm attached to IMB (Institute of Medical Biology), together with Jiahui and Qian Yu.
Biopolis is a mega cool place.
Jiahui is a really good crapping partner. Haha.
We realised that we don't have the mind of scientist.
Qian Yu is so industrious. I'm so ashamed. Aha.
The project is pretty interesting but it has been boring coz we've not started on labwork.
Yeah, I'm trying to stuff my mind with all the complicated science journals and theory now.
Stem cells. Glycolysis. Phosphoglycerate kinase. Western blot. SDS Page. ATP. ADP. ROS.

I'm deprived of all forms of entertainment and leisure.
I spend more than 12 hours a day out of home (even though it's supposedly the holiday).
Weekdays are occupied by attachment and weekends by PW.
And I have yet to start on my homework. Great.
I can't accept that I'm missing the seniors' farewell chalet. Crap.
Although I like to be kept busy, I hate it when I don't even have time to stop and reflect.
It sucks to go through each day without fully understanding what have you been doing.

Did I mention that I detest the peak hours?!
I can't stand squeezing into the stinky, oxygen deprived train every morning and evening.
Not forgetting the duration that my aching legs have to bear. Raaah.
S'pore is seriously overpopulated!
I hate peak hours, I hate pig hours. Oh swine.
The thought of enduring this for 6 months make me really depressed.

I gotta admit that I'm stressed out, overwhelmed.
Now I know why the 'What's your stress level' quiz on facebook gave me a result of 97%.
I think it's 100% now?
This should be the reason why I'm always occupied with thoughts.
Yeah, sorry if I'm always distracted whenever you talk to me.

I wonder how am I gonna manage my time,
especially when school starts.
I'm lagging miles behind.
What am I gonna do to improve my chinese?
I can't afford to just pass my A level oral.
What's gonna happen to hockey?
Ahhh, I miss whacking balls.
I need to train hard for Nationals next year!
I pray that everything will turn out fine.

I've been bothered by personal stuff too...besides academic related matters.
Was thinking a lot about many issues
(when I still had time to reflect).
I'm saddened by what's going on around me.
Yeah, wasn't supposed to be affected but I somehow was.
Feel so dumb to put my hope and trust in it again (in case you're wondering, I'm not talking about boy-girl relationship or anything of that sort).
I hate myself for being too emotional at times.
Yup, it was my mistake. I don't blame anyone.
Life goes on.

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

{/11:31 PM}

<3, Xue Er

♥

Complete

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice--my open heart.
I offer up my life.
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you, Lord
In Your strength will I break through, Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
And I will be complete in You.

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice--my open heart.
I offer up my life.
I look to You, Lord.
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord
And by faith, I will walk on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day,
And I will be complete in..

I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears.

Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And I pray I will hold on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in
I will be complete in
I will be complete in You

{/11:30 PM}

<3, Xue Er

♥

NJC HOCKEY GIRLS TEAM 2009 <3

{/11:35 PM}

<3, Xue Er

♥

A division 2009
Won ACJC 2-1
Won MI 1-0
Won TPJC 6-0
Lost to VJC 2-0
Lost to RJC 1-0

The last match was a crucial one which determined the semi- finalist.
We've fought hard and played our best.
Sad to say that we've lost.
I was seriously saddened after the match, blaming myself for not scoring that early goal.
How could I have missed that?

But I guess everything happens for a purpose.
I shouldn't think too much about it anymore.
Nothing can change.
Instead, I should reflect on what I've learnt.

Nationals have been an experience for me.
Looking back to 3 months ago, I've realised that we've improved so much.
Although I've made improvements, I'm still not skilful.
I wouldn't consider myself as a hockey player until I can play like one.
I still have so much to learn.

Although it was only 3 months, it's great to see how the team has bonded, especially during Nationals.
We've really nice seniors who are more like friends to us.
It has been a joy learning from them.

There are more to Nationals than winnning.
Even though our dreams of being in the top 4 was crushed, we've gained so much more in the processs.
Thanks to all for being such a supportive team.
I agree with coach that we've top players. (:
I also wanna thank my beloved friends for your encouragement, help, understanding and for putting up with my moodswings. (:
And of course, thank God for seeing us through this whole season!
Whatever it is, praise the Lord for every single thing!

Had the last pitch training as NJ hockey team 09 last thur.
The atmosphere wasn't the same as before.
It wasn't tense at all.
It's also the only time coach smiled so much. Haha.
Had games among ourselves (guys, gals, graduated seniors).
Took up positions that we've never played before. Haha.
It was really fun!!
Ended off trainning with a team talk and phototaking.
Really sad that the seniors have stepped down.
Trainings would never be the same without them!

I see the need to improve my fitness and master my basics.
Seriously, it's pathetic to score only one goal (the whole season) as a forward.
My stamina is really bad.
I suspect I've some health problems. Heh. I'm serious.
Like who on earth gets stitches just from walking?! Oh well.
Anyway, by A div next year, I will play like a hockey player and score more goals!

Nationals aside, I've so so so much to catch up on!
I'm lagging behind in my studies.
It doesn't feel good to fail tests repeatedly.
I've so much work to do.
Really need a break but I don't think I'm gonna get it.

H3 STaR full time attachment begins next week?
Yup, I won't be in school till mid July.
I'm worried that I'm unable to cope.
Not only with my studies but also with hockey.
I definitely need more trainings but I wonder how am I gonna squeeze out the time.
And with PW, the 'thief of time', there ain't much time left for me to study :/

Oh I've just realised that I didn't mention anything about my friends in NJC! Heh.
Our clique makes up one-third of the class. Haha.
They are very unique individuals. (:
Although it's has only been 3 months, glad to say that we can click well.
Thank God for every single one of them!


Why must I do good and yet get misunderstood?
But how, I just can't help but to care.

I wanna be a social recluse.

{/10:51 PM}

<3, Xue Er

♥

Why can't I be the one?

Sometimes I wonder...
What life is all about?
I can't fathom.
Many things that happened are just too absurd.
There are many 'whys' that need to be answered.
What exactly is life?
I try to understand God's plan.
But it's just too complicated to comprehend.
I can only wait for events to unfold and get the whole picture after all the adversity.
Lord, I need wisdom.
Wisdom to understand Your ways.
Till then, help me to trust in You and keep that faith.

{/10:47 PM}

<3, Xue Er