Cheryl

Insecurities

2012-02-04T18:42:00.005+08:00

I have my fears, just like everyone else.

And one of the fears I still struggle with is the fear of getting closer to someone.

A senior once told me that I've built a wall around myself that makes it hard for people to get closer to me. She was right.

Recently, some issues got me wondering how readily can I accept others into my heart.

Those who are in my inner circle my friends, or so called cliques are the ones that I'm comfortable with.

Does being comfortable means that I no longer have the 'wall' around me?

I guess not.

Don't get me wrong, I treat my good friends with all sincerity and treasure them.

It's just that I'm questioning myself if the fear still exist.

Am I keeping a distance away from them?

I really don't know.

Or I just fear losing them because they have become dear to me?

As much as I want to believe, I fear.

2012-01-24T22:18:00.001+08:00

缘分真是奇怪。有时候你摸不透为什么会在你的人生当中遇见某些人。

为什么上帝只让他们待一下子、给你短暂的幸福。

然后就不知不觉地消失，令你不知所措。

会害怕、不知该不该付出感情。

万一他们突然消失，只留下不再会拥有的回忆。

到那时候我该怎么办呢？只会心痛。

And I hit the big 2

2012-01-16T00:00:00.001+08:00

Today is the day I've lived exactly 2 decades.

What can I say?

I could hardly imagine turning 20 say 5 years ago in sec 3?

Cliche as it is, time flies.

So what does turning 20 mean to me?

Frankly speaking, I don't really place much emphasis on birthdays.

It's not a particularly special day that I must celebrate but it's significant because it's the day God brought me to earth. (:

I'm thankful that I'm alive till this day.

How many have actually passed on before reaching 20.

I'm glad that in the past 2 decades I've had my fair share of life experiences.

God has been faithful every moment of my life.

Despite all the trials I've faced, I'm still gonna say that I'm blessed. (:

I'm no longer a teen but at the transitional stage to being an adult.

I don't know what changes I'm gonna have in terms of maturity since I've always felt like an adult.

But there're definitely gonna be some goals and directions that I gotta set.

In other words, gotta stop being someone without a clear sense of purpose in life.

I've mentioned before that 2012 is gonna be a year of change.

I'm stepping outta my comfort zone and take on new challenges.

And I'm excited to see the change!

As for now, my main focus would be to do well in Uni.

Not only academically but also in other areas. Oh, have fun as well!

And I'm gonna be stronger in my faith, leading a life that God has planned for me.

Emotionally, gonna be a happier person and be less affected by negativity.

In terms of relationships, hope to have a group of trusted friends in Uni and maintain the friendships that I have.

Getting a boyfriend has never been a 'goal' for me.

Sometimes I do feel that I'm quite different from the usual girls. Haha.

Well, I would prefer to let nature takes its course.

Whoever is meant to be will appear at the right time.

Be it tmr, next year or five years later.

I don't believe in actively looking for a partner, neither would I take the initiative to date a guy.

I just don't see the point of rushing into a relationship when you haven't get to know the person well.

17 Jan will be my 2nd spiritual birthday (2 years since I baptised).

This 2 year journey with God wasn't easy.

Instead of being more passionate for Him, I strayed away instead.

Christianity really isn't just a religion where you have sets of rules to follow.

But it is the close relationship with God that you have to maintain.

As with every relationship, it needs the willingness and effort of both parties.

God is always loving and caring for us, but we are the ones who often distant ourselves from Him.

Being a Christian isn't a means to run away from your problems.

We will continue to face trials, in fact even more challenges ahead.

But we will face them with a different attitude. (:

Yet another goodbye

2011-12-31T11:32:00.000+08:00

Goodbye 2011: A year full of regrets and turning points

I would definitely like a chance to go back to the beginning of 2011 and avoid all the mistakes I’ve made along the year.

Life gets tougher as we get older doesn’t it? Why so?

One main reason for me is because it gets harder to place my faith in God. I did things my way. Where was the child-like faith that I once had? How I always cried out to God in my darkest days. I can say that I’ve screwed up this year, got lost in life, fell into the deepest pit. But you know what? God never fails.

Yes, things didn't turn out well. But I've realised that it's really time I let go and live life more meaningfully. Life really isn't all about what we see. Everything that we are pursuing now, what value will they have when we leave this world?

Not everything is within our control. We can only do our best, the rest is left to God. Maybe as we get older, we begin to get more confused about life's purpose and what we want in life. No, I haven't gotten the answer. But I will continue to seek for it.

2012 will be a year of great change. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone. I'm changing the way I've always been. It took me courage to make some of the decisions. I don't know how things will turn out but I'm not gonna fear anymore.

We gotta take risks in life. Go all out, we'll never know what we can get until we make the change.

As I say goodbye to 2011, I'm also giving up on the feelings and matters that made me unhappy. People who don't deserve me, I'm letting them go. Worries that overwhelm me, I'm leaving them to God. I've deprived myself of happiness for a long time. I'm not gonna carry on this way.

We all deserve to be happy, don't we?

The world is not gonna end in 2012, it will be the year my world begins...

End of a beginning

2011-12-05T20:17:00.005+08:00

So much can slip away before I say goodbye...

Always feel nostalgic as the year comes to an end.

Have been missing a lot of people lately.

People whom I no longer contact, people who became distant, people who seem to be right beside me but feels far away.

I gotta admit that I can be quite sentimental at times, although most of the time I seem to be rather unfeeling.

There are some people who we wish hadn't appeared in our lives,

some who we hope can remain, others who we wish we didn't get to know better.

I guess I have met a fair share from each category this year.

Relationship of all kinds. Why are they so complicated?

I've come to a point in my life that I'm becoming afraid to trust people.

So many times I have been disappointed by those I trusted.

It just becomes harder each time. Harder to trust.

Humans are enigmatic beings. All.

What make us human are feelings.

But as we get older, do we become more unfeeling?

I think people change due to circumstances.

Who we are becoming or will become is moulded by what we have gone through.

And as for me, I don't know what kind of person I'll turn out to be.

I find myself changing a lot each year.

Not necessarily bad but I'm getting more reclusive.

I'm seeing too much of the ugliness of this world.

So much that it's overwhelming.

Disgusted, upset, fearful of the truth that surrounds me.

The unfairness of this world.

Society drives people to greed.

A hunger to succeed even through despicable ways.

Society values the end results of those blinded by greed, who lost their integrity.

Those who have lost the basic moral values.

In time to come, society will blame this generation of people for lacking morals.

But who were the ones who brought up this generation of people?

What an irony.

Will those who have held firm to their beliefs be shaken eventually?

I'm not gonna dwell too much on what I meant by those who were so hungry for success that they lose their values.

I guess it's quite obvious.

And what I'm seeing now is just the tip of the iceberg.

What should I do?

I've tried being more positive. But each time I'm proven wrong.

There are just too many things in life that we'll never understand.

The more we ask 'why', the more complicated things seem to be.

Perhaps the question I asked myself most often this year would be

'Why am I here for?'

I know there's a purpose for my existence.

A purpose for all the trials that I'm going through.

But I'm still searching for the answer.

So many times I just feel like breaking down because I'm not strong enough to carry the weight of this world.

The load is overwhelming at times.

My heart has gone cold, I've lost my faith in God.

But I know that ultimately I've to go back to my Father.

Because He has all the answers and He's the only one I can trust.

Our faith tend to be shaken as we get older.

No longer do we've the child-like faith.

We find it harder to trust God when we don't get the solutions to our problems.

But the stronger the storm is, the tighter we've to hold on to God.

Without God in my life, I think I'll turn out to be someone who I never wanted to be.

I will not be where I am today.

I would have given up on life long time ago.

Even now, as much as I feel overwhelmed by what's happening,

I know that God will be my strength.

I've been tough, and I will continue to be.

2011-10-13T22:02:00.000+08:00

The last 2 months have been a battle for me.
I found myself being caught in many challenging situations, very often, alone.
I've been thinking a lot about life recently and I'm surprised that most of my thoughts reflect the lack of faith I've in God.
I'm not sure since when but I know that hadn't been looking to God.
I know that I've strayed and each time I will cry out to God to bring me back to Him.
But time after time, I kept pulling myself away.
I questioned religion.

Life suddenly becomes so meaningless.
But God never fails. Never.
He has shown me grace even when I've lost faith.
He gave me the strength to carry on when I felt like giving up.
God brought me back to His arms once again.
And one thing I've learnt, God will never give up on you as long as you are willing to make things right with Him.

Only 9 weeks in Uni but it felt strangely long.
I didn't adapt well to this new environment.
In fact, I found myself facing much difficulties as compared to my peers.
I'm not sure what went wrong but I hope things are picking up.

I've always wondered why God placed me in business school.
Why am I taking modules which I don't like?
Why did I place myself in an environment where I have to speak up when I always don't bother to?
But I'm glad that I'm starting to take an interest in what I'm doing and appreciate the resources and opportunities that I've at NUS business school.
Slowly but surely, I'm gonna maximise my potential here.

As I get older, I learn more about the realities of life.
More often ugly than not.
The world is scary. Few you can trust.
In business, everyone seeks to gain something from one another.
As much as I don't wanna admit it, people in Uni are also the same.
I wonder if true friends can be made now.
Friends who do not make use of one another, who do not have a facade.

I really don't wanna to evolve to be someone that I don't wanna be.
But will circumstances actually drive us to selfishness and hypocrisy?
Of course I'll live by the values that I have and what I should do as a Christian.
But maybe it's time to start picking up some essential 'survival skills'.

Life just gets busier by the day!
And when it does, we tend to rush through things without understanding the purpose.
It's pretty much happening to me right now.
Too tired to think about each day.
Just going through the motions.

I'm glad that I got to meet people from all walks of life.
People of different culture, beliefs, character.
They gave me many new perspectives.
And once again, I felt inadequate by the limited knowledge that I have.

Although there's fear and uncertainty, I'm also excited by how I'm gonna develop as a person. I've already changed quite a bit in the last 2 months.
I can't stick to my anti-social, reserved ways. Won't put me in good stead.
If we can't change the environment we're in, the least we can do is to change ourselves.

Waiting for that day

2011-08-27T23:26:00.004+08:00

This song says it all...

Today My Life Begins
Bruno Mars

I've been working hard so long
Seems like pain has been my only friend
My fragile heart's been done so wrong
I wondered if I'd ever heal again

Ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same
All around me I can feel a change (ohh)

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
A whole new world is waiting, it's mine for the taking
I know I can make it, today my life begins

Yesterday has come and gone
And I've learn how to leave it where it is
And I see that I was wrong
For ever doubting I could win

Ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same
All around me i can feel a change (ohh)

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
A whole new world is waiting, it's mine for the taking
I know I can make it, today my life begins

Life's too short to have regrets
So I'm learning now to leave it in the past and try to forget
We only have one life to live
So you better make the best of it

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
A whole new world is waiting, it's mine for the taking
I know I can make it, today my life begins

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
A whole new world is waiting, it's mine for the taking
I know I can make it, today my life begins...

One day, it won't hurt anymore.

New beginnings

2011-08-07T17:22:00.002+08:00

Just came back from Bizad O Week camp.
I found it quite boring actually. Didn't really like the programmes.
Quite astonished with some of the happenings in uni.
Glad that it's over and I gotta know my AG mates better.

Lessons will start on thurs.
I don't know exactly how I'm feeling but it will definitely be a new challenge.
There are many goals that I wanna achieve for the next few years.
I know it's gonna be hard but nothing is gonna stop me from pushing forward till the end.
Even if it means having to sacrifice, I will.

These few weeks have been quite troubling.
So many things on my mind that can't seem to be settled.
I have to rethink some of the decisions that I've made.
But I don't know how and I'm also afraid.

I've come to a point that I don't feel like facing these problems anymore.
I will just keep praying. Praying for God's intervention.
God be with me.

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why

2011-07-02T20:51:00.002+08:00

Barely a month left to Uni.
I'm dreading it.
Seems like I hadn't really enjoyed my break and now school is starting AGAIN.
My oh my!

The whole bidding of modules thing and Orientation week are making things worse.
I really don't get the bidding system.
And I have no choice but to go for O week if not I'll be a blur pok when I enter school.
Sighhhh. I don't like the idea of dirty games and spending 5 days on the other side of the island with strangers.
Ok, maybe that's the whole point, you bond and make friends.
However, I feel that some of their games are really silly and overboard.
I'm not trying to act mature or whatever.
But it will be good if they can spare a thought for the more conservative individuals.
Oh wells. I'll just see how it goes.
Hopefully I can turn into some rah rah enthu girl overnight.

I have already stopped work on 30/6.
It was a great farewell. Will definitely miss my colleagues.
They took good care of us! (:
Thank God I had Laicheng and Jengyi with me too!
I have definitely learnt a lot during the 6.5 months!
Would not have understood the operations of a hospital and the problems faced as a working adult if I hadn't taken up this job.
Yes, the job as a Patient Information Associate aka Call Centre Agent is stressful, monotonous and non-rewarding.
But at least I learnt something.

Gonna spend the last few weeks of my holiday catching up with my friends, spending time with my loved ones and preparing for the advance placement tests.
Hopes are not high since I've always sucked at Econs.
But I'm gonna try anyway.
At least it gives me some motivation to study. Hah.
This month is gonna past like a breeze.
Perhaps my next post will be about the orientation camp.

2011-06-05T14:00:00.004+08:00

It has been quite some time since I blogged about what's happening in my life, since the last post was dedicated to the scholarship selection test.
2011 is half gone! I realised that as we get older, time seems to pass faster.
So, it has been 6 months since As ended.
Have been working in KTPH for almost half a year too! Wow, that's really fast.
I wouldn't elaborate much about worklife now, will prolly do so when I leave.
Boring as it may seem, I spent the last 6 months doing nothing much except work. However, I felt that I've reached a whole new level of maturity through the scholarship interviews and experience at work.

Growing up has felt so real like now. As you meet different people in life, you'll really get to know more about the world. Good and bad.
I'm blessed to have met some of the awesome-est colleagues, especially my brothers in Christ.
Maybe that's what church and cell group is all about, having guidance and support from your brothers and sisters when you are lost.
But I can't picture myself integrating into my church commitee.
Something is holding me back, perhaps I'm the unwilling party...

Less than 2 months before Uni starts. I'm feeling quite ambivalent.
Maybe more of fearful. I got into NUS Business Admin (Accountancy), something that I'm thankful for. But it reminded me of what happened 2 years back.
After we've gotten our posting results, most of my good friends got posted to ACJC or SAJC. I was the loner at NJC. I had even thought of transferring.
And now, all my good friends got posted to NTU Accountancy.
I got accepted into NTU too but I'm still going for NUS.
Why NUS? I gotta admit it's coz of the branding, not forgetting the culture and the nature of the degree. In the first place, I do not have an interest in accounting.
I don't even truly understand what is it all about.
At least NUS is less specialised in accounting and more inclined to business.
It may seem really odd, why on earth do I take accounting then?
Well, the reason is practical. It is a good degree, more career options and would most prolly give me an attractive salary. Practicality is the main factor.
On a brighter note, I'm so glad that Laicheng has decided to study business in NUS. At least we're in the same school and will be doing the same modules for year 1! (:

As for now, I wanna make the best outta the remaining (holi)days.
It's time for catching up with friends! And to spend quality time with my loved ones.
Gotta be mentally prepared for uni too.
I hope to be able to do some reading up.
Oh wells, let's just see how it goes. (:

“Your story may not have such a happy beginning, but that doesn’t make you who you are, it is the rest of your story, who you choose to be… …So who are you Panda?”
-Soothsayer (Kung Fu Panda 2)

2011-04-07T19:42:00.005+08:00

Went for NEW scholarship activity based selection test today. It was a once in a lifetime experience, I left the building feeling ambivalent. The day started off with a 90 min written test. In the test, you are supposedly the assistant manager of MEWR and you're left with a stack of in-tray work given by your superior at the last minute. You're to prepare for a meeting, draft a reply to a complaint, organise an event in that short period of time, explaining your actions and reasoning. Oh boy, it was a thick stack of paper. Didn't really understand what they are asking for. After 60 min, they threw you with an unexpected task. You received an email saying that there are to be some changes in the event you're organising and you are to get the draft out by tmr morning. Really felt as though I was the character portrayed in the activity and I felt the stress of a manager. The second activity was a group work. You're to discuss what makes up a community. After which, one representitive has to grab whatever lego blocks he can get and build the community. The challenge was, the group has to do it bindfolded. We had to explain our community and the organiser, Wen Wei will throw questions at anyone. The Q&A was the most intensive of all. Wen Wei would challenge everything that you say and leave you dumbfounded. No one could argue with him. He tried to 'force' us to differentiate ourselves from the rest, asking us awkward question. He didn't want politically correct answers. Lunch was a 6 course chinese food. The food wasn't good. But the worst thing was that there were 2 big shots from the organisation who would sit and eat with you. My groupmates were sharing their career aspirations, views on issues, personal experience. I found myself at a loss for words and speaking about insignificant things. The third activity was to do a self portrait using scrape materials and present to a panel of judges. This activity left me with many thoughts. I missed the rare opportunity to 'promote' myself. My work and speech was uncomparable to the rest. They all had dreams and thoughts. I was shallow and it was obvious that I didn't really know myself. The last activity was done as a group. We were given a list of 17 people with a one liner description of them. In the scenario, there was a nuclear meltdown and we have to choose only 10 people to go into a shelter. These 10 people will survive and create a new world. After discussing, we wrote who are the 7 people we are gonna sacrifice. Then we each have to choose one of the 7 people and tell them that we are gonna sacrifice them. But there was a twist to the activity. After selecting the person you're gonna break the news to, Wen Wei told us that we have to be the person we have chosen and appeal to the commitee that you would like to live. So in the end, we have to convince the commitee that our lives should be spared. Oh gosh. I'm really bad at convincing others. As usual, there was a Q&A after the activity. Wen Wei threw questions at us. Why didn't anyone ask for more information? Do you think that the one line description is enough to determine life and death? What if the one you sacrifice is able to solve the nuclear problem? Why didn't you select more than 10 people? How much can a baby eat? If everyone were to sacrifice a meal a day, won't more people be able to survive? Why not? We were stunned. They were looking for someone who knows when to challenge the norm. No one did. Today's session left me with many thoughts. I wasn't disappointed with my poor performance. I really take my hats off to the outstanding candidates. They have big dreams and great thinking skills. They know what they want in life. They can deliver their ideas effectively. I couldn't. I'm someone without dreams. And that left me without confidence. I don't know what I want in life. No sense of direction. I've been feeling quite down because of this, especially so after getting back our results. Everyone seems to have aspirations. Everyone except me. During scholarship interviews, I can't answer questions relating to my choice of study and career aspirations. Obviously because I have none. I'm someone who never question the norms. Someone who prefers to do something familiar. But it that how I can survive in society? Just go with the flow? I guess I gotta find some meaning in this life. Change my mindset. Dare to be different, and be someone with dreams.

2011-03-26T22:09:00.000+08:00

Have been feeling rather nostalgic lately.

I don't know the reason... but I just have a desire to go back in time, maybe to a year ago?

Filling up all the scholarship and uni applications reminded me of STaR.

Can't believe it ended more than a year ago.

The 9 months in STaR programme was definitely stressful but those were the best days of my JC life. I don't know how much I would have missed out if I didn't take up H3 Research. From the attachments, to SSEF, to STaR symposium to H3 assessment and H3 results, every event made me learn something new.

I remember I once told someone this, 'although I have sacrificed many things for STaR, I have gained so much more in return', those words were true.

I once asked God why did He place me in STaR and allow my grades to suffer.
What's the point of taking H3 when I am failing my H2 subjects?
But at the end of it, I understood why. Everything is perfect in His time.

I wanna go back to those days when some of my closest friends were still part of my life.
When we still had frequent contact and when we talked about everything under the sun. I miss them. Don't ask me what happened, coz I don't know the reason too. But I know that it always happens, I never had long lasting friendships. Won't deny that I'm anti-social but it takes 2 hands to clap.

Right now, though it's good to be free from academic stress, I find that something is missing. Life can't get more mundane than this. This wasn't what I was looking forward to. I don't mind going back to school, even if it means having to go through A levels over again. At least those days were meaningful. At least they still existed in my life.

'It's difficult for you to open up to others. There's a barrier for others to get through before they can truly know you.' I was shocked when my supervisor said that to me. What she said was true, but no one has ever described me in that way. I can't find any suitable words to express my feelings. Just felt as though someone has seen through me. Vulnerable? Maybe. That being said, no one has ever truly known me, not even myself.

There were 2 person whom I met during my JC life that have managed to cross that barrier. It just came naturally and I started to open up to them. But that was all, they just knew more about me than the others. I treasure them dearly, I believe that they are God sent. I still do. But their presence in my life can barely be felt now......

How can you ever forget someone who gave you so much to remember?

2011-03-07T20:40:00.007+08:00

TO GOD BE THE GLORY!
6 As and 2 Bs.
Not perfect but good enough.
I'm really contented and thankful for my results.
No words can express how grateful am I to God.

As I sat in the hall, listening to the principal's talk, many thoughts ran through my mind.
In fact, I was prepared for the worst.
Maybe I'm just gonna head for the nearest exit once I received my results slip.
I though it would all end up in tears.
As I waited for my turn to receive my results from Mr Lim, I could feel the blood rushing to my face.
Hah, I must have looked like one big tomato.
The first thing I looked out for was the number of Bs.
There were less than expected. B for GP and Chem. B for GP was a little disappointing but I was already contented with B for chem, the subject which I only passed once.
I saw 2 miraculous grades. A for Econs and H3 research.
Those were the 2 subjects that I thought I would never get A.

I remembered how depressed I was with the 8th per percentile grade I got for Econs during the promos. I even thought of dropping to H1!
Those days when I felt so hopeless struggling to get D for Econs. How great God is!

I remembered the heartache I went through when my project didn't win anything for SSEF.
How demoralized I felt when I couldn't answer the examiners' questions during H3 oral defence.
At some point of time, I even regretted taking H3 which took up so much of my time.
To think that it was H3 which I have gotten a distinction eventually.
Thank God!

God is good! He gave me more than I asked for.
He taught me the importance of having faith even when everything seems to be going wrong.
The tears and sweat, He sees them all!

So the 2 years of JC education has officially come to an end.
These 2 years were filled with ups and downs.
I have learnt so much, met some of the most awesome people and went through the most emotional struggles.
I just so glad it ended well.
I couldn't ask for more.

The next thing to worry about would be uni applications.
To study overseas or local? Which course? Double degree?
I really regretted not making preparations earlier.
It seems too late to go overseas now so I think I'm gonna study here.
But what course should I take?
I never had any aspirations.
And that kinda suck.
I'm just trusting in God now, to lead me in the right direction.
I believe He will do so.

God places some people in our lives for a reason.
And I'm so glad to have met someone special.
Thank you for remembering me for who I am.
I may not ever see you again, but I will always remember you for your kindness.

Am just tired

2011-01-22T19:55:00.003+08:00

First post of 2011!
But this post isn't gonna sound all that hopeful.
There are too many things going on in my mind right now that I just gotta find somewhere to sort my thoughts out.

I've started working since the middle of last month.
Although it has only been a month, I feel that I've learnt so much.
I finally fully understand the meaning of 'hard earned money', 'monday blues', 'TGIF' and 'schooling is way better than working'.
Ahh, I guess it's the same with every job.
Everyday I just hope that time will fly and pray hard that everything will go on smoothly.
But as usual, what you hope for won't always happen.

I gotta admit that I enjoyed schooling way more than working.
Didn't really had monday blues back then.
At times, I even hope that Fridays will not arrive coz I'll so bored at home.
Hah, but it's a totally opposite mentality now.
Actually I didn't realise how much I missed school until a recent visit back to NJ.
Seeing the students and places that we used to hang out was nostalgic.
School was fun. I enjoyed studying. Really. Haha.

Maybe I needa find the passion in my job.
Maybe things will get better when I begin to find satisfaction in helping others.
Maybe I needa learn to be more thick skinned and brave myself towards challenges.
Well, I don't how and when the above are gonna happen but they gotta happen somehow.

I realised how 'small' money is.
My pay can be gone in like 2 weeks ?!
Okay, it's because I'm sucha spendthrift too.
I'm starting to think that my pay is really low for sucha tiring job.
Pay rise after 3 months? It could very well be my wishful thinking...

2011 started off quite well.
Glad that I've gotten over some of the emotional hurdles in my life (as much as I thought I had).
But recently, memories started flooding back during the most random times of the day.
Most of the time, they will leave me all emotional for the rest of the day.
Maybe emotional hurts are hard to heal.
No matter how much I try to avoid, no matter how insignificant I thought it was, the scar still remains.
But I'm praying hard.
Praying hard to be free from the shackles of the past.
And I believe in God's healing.

Sometimes I really don't understand myself.
At times I can be the most sociable person around but at times I'm sucha anti-social.
I know relationships take time to build.
But it's the 'breaking the ice' part that I struggle with.
Some people can hit off with you very well.
But in other situations where cliques are well established, you just can't help but to feel out of place.
And when you feel out of place, you'll inevitably become an anti-social.
When people already have their usual hang-out mates, you just don't wanna be an 'extra' and stick yourself in.
Oh wells, maybe it's just me who behaves this way.
As I've mentioned earlier, perhaps I needa be more thick skinned, if not, less sensitive.

The first month of the year is coming to an end.
Haha, ironically, time flies even when it seems to be crawling.
Did I mention that I've turned 19?
Man, I feel old. My 'teen' years are gonna be over in a matter of 12 months?
Anyway, thank you all for your gifts and birthday wishes!
Really appreciate every single one of you!
Most importantly, thank God for his love for the past 19 years.
And of course for this life that He has given to me.
God is awesome!

New year, new hope, new challenges

2010-12-29T16:05:00.002+08:00

2 days are all that are left for year 2010.
Just 2 days. Again, it's time for me to do my year end reflection.
2010 is a year that I'll never forget.
Maybe I can say that it is probably the worst year of my life.
Seems like nothing really went right.
Studies, relationships, commitments... none of them went well.

The year kicked off with H3 and SSEF, both of which gave me great disappointments.
Term one was probably the busiest when I had to juggle my studies, STaR and even hockey.
I gave up on hockey eventually, coz it was simply impoosible to handle everything well.
STaR came to a close and catching up on my studies became the main focus.

I worked really hard, trying to improve on my promos grades.
I thought as long as I worked hard, I'll get my desired grades.
Again, common test results crushed any hope that I had.
Knowing that there wasn't any time to wallow in self pity, I pulled myself together and gave my last shot at the prelims.
I wouldn't say that I've done well for prelims, but this time, there was finally a vast improvement.

The last stretch was the actual A levels.
Those stressful days of preparation were the most memorable.
Even as I tried my best to focus on this last lap, I still got distracted by some issues.
What came as a major blow would be the A level papers.
Although I was well prepared, I felt that I've underperformed.
I shan't dwell too much on this here since I've already blog about it previously.

2010 is also a year when I gained new insights on coping with emotional problems.
Nope, I wasn't involved in any special kinda relationship.
But rather I had allowed myself to get distracted.
Sometimes you don't even know that you are caught in sucha fix until a very late stage.
By then, probably the hurt has already been done, unknowingly.

Amidst the trials that I've faced, I believe there're always new lessons to learn.
I find myself becoming more mature this year.
Looking back, God has been faithful.
Even though I've strayed, He was always with me.
So many times I've failed Him, but He still stood by me.
There are many things that I don't understand, but I believe I'll see the full picture one day.
Because God's plan for us is perfect.

I hope to start 2011 right with my trust in God.
2011 may be a tougher year than 2010.
But when I rely on God, I know I can overcome all obstacles that I may face.

God is good, all the time.

2010-12-16T20:46:00.002+08:00

Self esteem. Do I have?

All that has happened recently were due to the lack of confidence in myself and even the lack of faith in God.
I applied for 2 interships, thinking it wasn't possible to be accepted.
It's ironic. If I had no hope in myself, why did I even apply?
I know, I am sucha joke.
I went on to look for jobs and accepted the first job offered to me.
A day after, I received news that I got shortlisted for both internships.
One gave me a place, another gave me a chance to be interviewed.
But what can be done now?
I've already signed the contract with my employer.
I rejected one, and had no choice but to give up the other.
It sounds crazy, and I admit it is.
I didn't understand my decision too.
For money? Hey, how much can I earn from the job?
To avoid staying at home? But I could easily kill time by watching TV.
Why then? Why?
I have only myself to blame.

The reason why I wanted an internship was because it could give me a chance to be offered a scholarship, which I really need.
The reason why I wanted a job was to kill time and earn money.
I don't know why I feel so regretful about my choice now.
And I wonder what was God's plan for me.
Was it His will for me to go for an internship?
Or is He testing me?

I'm in a confused state of mind right now.
All that I can say is that I have no faith.
It can be seen from different point of view.
Don't I have confidence in my results, that I need an internship for discretionay admission and scholarship application?
Don't I have confidence that I would be accepted for the internship even if my prelim results weren't ideal?
Don't I have confidence that even without an internship I would be able to get into the course I want?
Don't I have confidence that I will do well in my internship, that I backed out?

Don't I have faith in myself and in God?

I'm afraid, afraid that I'm losing myself.
Afraid that I'll become someone that I don't wanna be.
Afraid that I'll lose my focus.
Afraid of letting go of God's hand.

God has been so faithful but so many times I have failed Him.
What am I becoming?
I find myself being drawn closer into worldly concerns.
I'm depending on myself more than God.
Why, why have I allowed circumstances to pull me away from God?

Lord, please hold me tight. Don't let me go.

Moving on

2010-12-02T13:39:00.002+08:00

Today marks the end of A level.
Wow, 2 years of JC education has officially come to an end.
I'm relieved. And I thank God for seeing me through.
Really wouldn't have made it without Him!

Gonna take a short break and get a part time job for this month.
I'm really excited for the upcoming Christmas events in church!
It's time I start getting involved in church activities.
Have been away for too long.

I was thinking about some issues.
I'm glad I'm getting over them.
But sometimes, the heart still aches.
I wish I could turn back time and choose a different path.
But given a second chance, will I really give everything up?
The road was filled with trials. However, it has also brought me joy.
The end of the journey doesn't seem to have a happy ending.
But is there a greater purpose that is yet to be seen?

The last 'goodbye' is the hardest to say.

2010-11-24T14:55:00.003+08:00

11 papers down. Last paper would be next week.
Thank you Lord for seeing me through this tough journey!
These few weeks of A levels have been very emotional.
I would not have been able to get over all my disappointments and pull myself together for subsequent papers if not for God's help.
Honestly, I felt that I've really under performed this time.
I'm really not confident of getting good grades but I'm just gonna trust God.
Whatever it is, A level is almost over.
Everything is in His hands.

Looking back, I realised that my life for the past 18 years just revolves around my studies.
Seems like I've never really done something that I like, or even pursue any dream.
I went through the motions each day, trying to live up to expectations.
And when I fail, I felt useless.
The goals that I had, were they really what I wanted?
Of course, everyone wants to excel in their studies.
But when I don't, what's gonna happen?
Is my life all about academic achievements, or is there something more?
I tend to get very worried when things do not turn out the way I want it to be (maybe it's partly due to my OCD-ness).
I just can't imagine what's gonna happen when I can't meet my goals.

But recently, I begin take things more easily.
If this plan fails, there will definitely still be another way out.
"We do not always end up where we want to be, but we'll always end up where we're meant to be"

I wanna live a meaningful life.
I don't want it to be just filled with memories of school.
I guess I'm gonna spend some time thinking about what I'm gonna do after As.
Go on a mission trip, be more active in church, serving God, discover new interest, learn a skill...
I wanna start living life.

God's way

2010-11-12T16:29:00.002+08:00

6 papers down. 6 more to go.
This week has been a crazy one.
Thank God for seeing me through.
A levels have set me thinking about a question:
"What happens to our faith in God when things don't go our way?"
Honestly, I don't feel confident of any of the papers I have taken.
Chem has especially disastrous.

My mind was totally blown while doing Chem P3, I kept crying out to God for help.
At the end of it, I felt that I have done worse than any of the school papers (I have never passed any of the school papers for that matter).
And of course, I let my emotions get the better of me.
I even questioned God and asked Him how could the paper be so bad.
I was confident that I would do much better than Prelims.
God, were You there?

The rest of the papers were also disappointing, Math was no exception.
I lost more than 10 marks (excluding those that I don't know how to do) due to sheer carelessless- not reading the question properly.
And when everyone is rejoicing that they will definitely get A for Math,
it made me feel even worse.
Those questions were giveaways, how could I have gotten them wrong?!
I felt like a big fool. Again, I questioned God.
Why, God?

As I wallowed in self pity, blaming myself for all the blunders made,
I also reflected upon my attitude towards God.
What was my response to Him when things did not go well?
Did I thank Him still? No, I didn't.
How then can I say that I've faith in God? I'm ashamed.
Faith is believing without seeing.
No matter what happens, I should always trust in Him.
Why then did I let myself be overwhelmed by disappointments?
Why then did I doubt? Where's the faith?

God has a plan for me.
His thoughts are not my thoughts, and His ways are not my ways.
But one thing that I can be sure of: He knows best.
As I prepare for the upcoming papers, I should place my trust in Him.
And stay strong even when I feel that things are not going well.
He knows best.

The close of yet another chapter

2010-10-15T22:56:00.003+08:00

Today was farewell assembly for the SH2s.
I felt quite neutral throughout the day.
Maybe coz I'm not attached to the school, that's why I didn't feel as sad as I did two years back in St. Margs'.
However, it will be wrong to say that I didn't feel any sense of nostalgia.
These 2 years in NJC hadn't been an easy journey.
This journey was full of up and downs and I'll definitely remember them.

As I sat in the hall, what I felt most strongly about was how fast time has past.
Seems like yesterday when we first sat in the same hall for orientation talks.
Hah. 2 years in JC has just ended like that?!
Wow, what should I say? Should I be happy that A level will soon be over?
Or should I regret not making full use of my time in JC?
I don't know...
But it's only normal that we wish we had done some things differently.

I wouldn't say that I've not gained anything from my stay in NJC.
In fact, I've learnt a lot and I found myself changed in some ways too.
I've met great friends and teachers.
And it's usually the people that make parting unbearable.
I'm just so thankful to God for bringing certain friends into my life.
They have touched me in some ways or another.
As much as I want them to remain in my life for as long as possible, I know that nothing is certain.
A simple 'keep in touch' doesn't mean anything. It takes two hands to clap.
But I really hope that I'll not lose them.

As A level draws near, there's no time to get distracted by anything else.
Just 3 more weeks. Honestly, I'm not prepared.
But this time, I really wanna commit everything into God's hands.
No matter what happens, He knows what's best for me.
He has seen me through these 2 tough years of JC life.
Now this is the final lap, and I'm gonna cling on tightly to Him.
I'm mere human.
The stress is overwhelming and I feel tired.
I really can't do this on my own.

I am holding on to the hope I have inside
With you I will stay through every day
Putting my understanding aside
And I am comforted
Looking back at me I know that you can see my heart is open to the promise of a lifetime

Impossible is not a word, it's a reason for someone not to try

2010-09-20T17:37:00.002+08:00

50 Days left.

No words can express the disappointment I have in my performance for prelims.
But I can't allow it to bring me down.
This is the time when I've to stay strong.
God shall be my hope and strength!
There's an awesome song I've heard recently... 'What faith can do' by Kutless.
I can really relate to the lyrics... really encouraging words.

What Faith Can Do -Kutless

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

2010-09-03T11:19:00.003+08:00

Sometimes giving your best isn't enough. How much is enough then?

I guess the problem with me isn't the fear of failure, but rather the fear of disappointments.
I hate to disappoint others and myself.
What happened to the student who did so well so for O levels?
Right now, she's just a fallen star, struggling to even pass.
Seems like a joke.

So what should I do now?
Continue to mug like crazy and get horrible grades?
Continue to have high expectations only to find myself falling short of them?
Perservere?

With barely 2 months left to A levels, I guess I don't have much of a choice.
What's happening now is part of God's plan.
At least I believe so.
There's a reason why I'm not doing well.
And it's a reason that I have yet to know.
If it's His will for me to do well for As, so be it.
It may seem like a convenient excuse for not performing well.
But no, it's not.
God has seen me through so many obstacles and I believe He will see me through this time.
All I gotta do is believe. And continue to work hard.
I will.

Hadn't been really 'emotionally stable' these days.
Stress? Maybe.
Facebook has affected me in some ways too.
It often allow me to find out things that I wouldn't wanna know.
But I guess that's the reason why I could manage to let go of some issues too?
Anyway, I've decided not to log in to Facebook at least till As are over.
It's not always good to know too much about others and get yourself distracted.

I've been trying hard to let go of that matter.
Constantly reminding myself to keep away from it.
I guess I've been doing well?
But sometimes, the heart aches when you try to suppress your feelings.
Coz deep down inside, you wish you could hold on to it instead.

2010-07-02T18:52:00.003+08:00

God is great!
He has been encouraging me to hold on to my dreams. (:
There are many times when I felt like giving up, many times when I thought that it’s impossible to achieve that much.
But Lord, thank You for reassuring me.
I promise, I’ll give off my best for the glory of your name.

-8th August 2008

Every tear I have cried
You hold in Your hands
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Lord, it's enough to know that You are near.
No matter what, I will not lose faith.
No, I don't want to lose faith.
Even though I'm disappointed,
I know that it's part of Your plan.

-31st Oct 2008

Found these posts when I was looking through my archive.
I had relied entirely on God during my O level days.
Am I doing the same now?
Or have I forgotten that He is with me?

I'm sorry Lord, I need You!

But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

2010-05-25T21:36:00.002+08:00

Has been a while since the last update.
Well, life has been pretty mundane ever since the end of term one, when all the commitments came to an end.

Common test has just started. I'm studying hard!
Yeah, no doubt about that.
I really don't wanna experince the disappointment that I've gone through last year.
I'm still trying to manage my time well though.
You know, sometimes things just don't go the way you intended it to.

I gotta work very hard to catch up on my JC 1 work.
It's gonna be a real challenge, with ONLY 2o over weeks left to A levels.
Somehow, I'm not as confident as I was during O levels.
It's not gonna be easy! I need God. I'm sure God will see me through!

Yup, for now all my focus would be on my studies.
No room for superfluous stuff. I need my As.
Yeah, I need them! In some ways, I'm different from others.
I have heavy responsibilities.
And the only way which I can fulfil them is to do well for As.
The hope is on me. I cannot afford to fail.

The few months ahead would definitely be a tough one.
But I've been greatly encouraged by a song: Voice of truth by Casting Crowns.
This song is gonna spur me on.
To achieve glory for my Lord!

But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

2010-03-13T21:55:00.005+08:00

IT'S ALL OVER!

The end of SSEF marked the end of STaR. Wow, how time flies.
I can still remember fretting over H3 Oral Defence and SSEF.
Now that it's all over, I'm feeling very ambivalent and nostalgic about it.
Life feels quite empty now. It lasted for a year after all.
STaR would make up most of my memories of JC.

Last thursday was a very emotional day... the announcement of SSEF results.
Yeah, I walked home empty handed. Something that I really didn't expect.
Maybe my hopes were too high.
Maybe people around me has given me a lot of confidence.
Maybe I just didn't wanna disappoint anyone.

As I sat there at the award ceremony, fighting back my tears, there were many questions that ran through my mind.
Why we didn't win anything? Didn't Dr Lim said we were very good?
Weren't the judges impressed with our presentation? Why? Why? Why?
I guess there isn't any definite answer to my questions.
All I could do was to cry out to God.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference".

I was strong enough to hold back my tears, at least till the end of the ceremony, when Mr Lye came. I don't know why, but my tears just fell when I saw him.
He's the one who had the most confidence in us.
I was just so sorry to disappoint him. So sorry.
He didn't say anything.
Instead, he gave me the greatest comfort just by being by my side.
I was so glad to such a caring teacher mentor.

This wasn't the end I had wanted. The end of STaR should be a joyous one.
But there must be a purpose for everything that happened.
I realised there are actually many who care for me.
Many who shared my sadness.
And I had left the place, emerging as a stronger person.
I don't think we have failed. We have done our best and I believe our project has substance. But like it or not, there are always others who are better than us.

I'm really sorry to disappoint many people. Maybe I care too much of others' feelings. Perhaps this is my weakness. I wanna live up to others expectations.
But I believe that they understand.
We may not know the reason, but things do happen.

One year in STaR. Thank God for seeing me through.
In the past year, I have crossed paths with many people.
Some had left a great impact on me.
There are many friendships forged.
And I hope I would lose none of them.
I will miss all of them. Definitely will.
STaR has taught me so many things. I'm sure I've grown to be more matured.
What I've gained far exceeds the sacrifices made.
Now that it's all over, I can only look back and be thankful.
At least I have those memories.

The remaining time in NJ shall be spent mugging for As.
I need a miracle to get A A A A by prelims.
It's not a choice, really.
Looking at the university admission cut off, you just simply can't go anywhere if you don't have 4As.
I know God will see me through.
And I'm blessed to have a group of supportive friends, helping me to catch up on my work. Whatever it is, I'm giving my all.
And again, I don't wanna disappoint anyone.
It may seem like I'm living my life for others. But to me, this could be a motivation.
This time, I want the end to be a joyous one!

2010-01-17T21:43:00.003+08:00

First post of 2010! :D

Yup, so yesterday was my 18th birthday. Legally 18 eh? Haha.
But I don't think it will make much difference.
I don't go clubbing, neither am I a fan of movies (M18 movies).
Hmm... birthdays. I have mentioned before that I don't like birthdays right?
Yup, for some reasons. I don't feel as happy as others are on their birthdays.
I don't see the reason for celebration except thanking God for the life that He has given me.
I don't know. Maybe this perception will change in due time.
But it has been like that for me since... 13 years ago?
Alright, I'll not dwell too much on this issue.

Compared to my birthday, today was a far more important day of my life.
I WAS BAPTISED AT EVANGEL FAMILY CHURCH! :D
Praise the Lord!
It wasn't an easy decision.
In fact, I have taken more than a year to decide.

Baptised. I'm born again! Cleansed of my sins, my old self. (:
It's time for me to let go of the past. The hurts. The pain.
And it's also time for me to forgive. Forgive...
My life belongs to God. I'm gonna live for Him and Him alone.
Well, I believe baptism is God's will for me.
For me to embark on a brand new journey with Him. (:
And of course, I'm really excited!
I really wanna serve God!
But with my commitments at hand, I guess I wouldn't be able to participate actively in church this year. ):
Oh well, whatever it is, I should see what is God's plan for me. (:

First week of school has already been pretty hectic.
I guess I need some time to adjust.
There are still some many things that I'm unclear of.
Hmm... gotta seek clarification fast!
This year is definitely not gonna be easy.
But whatever it is, I believe God will see me through! (:

All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you, oh Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaims
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours

Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

2009-12-31T16:54:00.000+08:00

You may not always end up where you want to be but you’ll always end up where you’re meant to be.

Counting down to the last few hours of 2009!
I’m ambivalent. Looking forward to start a new year right yet I’m a little afraid.
Yeah, shouldn’t be the case but…
On the other hand, I’ve this tinge of regret for not spending 2009 well. As I’ve mentioned before, 2009 has been a year filled of losses. Really wanna put all that has happened this year behind and start the new year with renewed hope.
Yup, I shall be optimistic about it.
Come what may, I’ve God on my side! 2010 shall be a blast!

Had a lab BBQ party at Qian Yu’s place recently. It’s organised by us for the adults. Glad that most of them came! (: It’s was quite fun playing badminton and bbq-ing! Haha. Watched Avatar with Soon Sim, Ronne, Qianyu and Yee Onn on Christmas eve! The plot was nice and the visual effects were cool!

Yesterday was the official last day of attachment at IMB! ):
Man, it was really sad when we had to return the access cards.
Felt like we were back to the beginning when we were visitors.
Next week will be filled with report writing and presentation.
Oh well. At least there’s still one more week to be spent together with the guys.

Really blessed to have such incredibly nice lab mates.
They are the reason why I’ve enjoyed research!
This may sound sexist but I think guys are so much easier to get along with (in case you don’t know, everyone working in LSK lab is male). Haha.
Prove me wrong if you disagree.
Yup, I’ve learnt so much from them for the past 6 months.
Not only research related stuff but also others! Hahaha.
Research attachment as LSK lab is awesome, enjoyed every single part of it!
Can’t imagine how much I’m gonna miss them!

Alright, here’s my end of year reflection for 2009.
Hmmm, where should I start? I’ve been thinking back of what I’ve done this year. The question of why I did so badly in my studies have been on the back of my mind. But guess what? I’ve found the answer!
I’ve been living my own way, relying too much on my own abilities.
I didn’t put in my 100% effort in my work.
I gave the excuse of not having enough time and rush through everything without giving much thought about it. I’ve failed to prioritise.
Time management was a big problem.
Perhaps I was complacent, over confident. But look at what had happened.
I believe it was a big wake up call from God.
I need to rely on God, I need to place Him first.
I need to believe in Him for greater things. I will.

Moving on from secondary school to JC was a big change.
The school’s culture, the curriculum and environment is just so different. I
t took quite some time for me to adapt.
Having been in a Christian girls’ school for 4 years, NJC just seem so different. Culture shock? Regarding my current school, I’ve not much to say about it.
Just gotta admit that I don’t feel a sense of belonging even after a year.
I mean NJC might be good in nurturing students in the academic area but I feel that more has to be done in building up the school spirit.
School is not just a place to study after all.

Alright, as for relationships. Aha. I’m referring to friendships.
This year I’ve encountered many problems with friendships.
Wow, hadn’t had so many problems since primary school. Haha.
Oh well. I’d like to believe it’s all settled now. Friends come and go, don’t they?
How many true friends can you actually find in your lifetime?
I may sound apathetic but that’s the truth… at least to me. I guess I’m rather sceptical when it comes to relationships.
It might be due to the environment I’m brought up in.
Hadn’t had any particularly successful or close relationship with anyone.
But I treat people around me quite nicely.
Correct me if I’m wrong but I believe I’m a good friend to have.

Whatever it is, just take one step at a time and see God’s plan unfold.
With this, I’ve come to the end of the last post of 2009! Till then. (:

It’s hard to say ‘goodbye’ when it has a much deeper meaning to it.
And I really don’t wanna say ‘goodbye’ to you.

2009-11-10T22:21:00.002+08:00

2009-11-10T22:08:00.005+08:00

Had our OP today. That marked the end of PW.
Haha. I’m really relieved.
But I guess I’ll miss the PW days… rushing reports, joking around, going for lunch together, stoning for ages in front of 5 laptops and so on.
We’ve come a long way, 9 months to be exact.
There were of course ups and downs in our ‘PW journey’ but I’m glad it ended well. (: I guess this is one of the reasons why we have PW.
Somehow, we have ‘grown’ unknowingly.
Yeah, if you get what I mean.
Nevertheless, I’m so glad it is over!

This is the second last month of 2009.
I still can’t believe that 2009 is coming to an end.
Seems like I hadn’t accomplished much this year.
All I did was to go with the flow and kept moving forward.
Didn’t really take time to stop and reflect.
Oh well, maybe now is the time to do so. What should I say?
This year has been more than a roller coaster ride.
JC life really ain’t easy, gotta be the toughest period I’ve ever experienced I guess. Felt like I have been thrown into a whirlpool of emotions. Aha.
Is it right to describe it this way? I’m not gonna elaborate much.
Yeah, I’m rather lazy and there’s also no point mentioning about the past.
Perhaps I’ll reflect more towards the last few days of the year.

Gonna be back in the lab on Thursday.
Have to prepare myself for yet another challenge, H3 oral defence/ report and SSEF. Woo~, I’ve gotta admit that it’s really stressful.
I’m not sure if H3 is one of the reason why I did so badly academically, but I’m not gonna give it up.
I mean, I have given up many things because of H3, one of the most significant one would be hockey.
As much as I want to excel in every area, I have my limitations.
My grades would be a good explanation. I was too ambitious.
I thought I could handle everything well.
But in the end, I found myself struggling to fulfill my commitments.
At least I have only H3 and my studies to worry about now.
Definitely not trivial but at least I have more time as compared to before.
Haha. Shall take it as a lesson learnt (See how PW can be applied?).

Well, felt very discouraged after getting back my results.
Yeah, it was a big blow, especially since I’ve studied so hard.
And I’ve never ever gotten such horrendous grades in my entire life.
Oh well. Maybe I just need some proper time management.
But you know what? I only have myself to blame.
I started getting serious about my work only in term 3.
I had slacked all the way through the first half of the year.
Yup, that should be one of the reasons.
Complacency? It had played a small part too.

I would like to highlight a very important thing.
GOD HAS BEEN FAITHFUL.
Yes it’s true that I don’t understand why my grades are not as well as I’ve expected, why friendships fail, why family problems occur but God has never failed.
There must be a reason for everything that happens.
Perhaps this serves as a wake up call for me.
There is much to learn from the problem than just looking at the magnitude of the problem itself. What’s more, God is bigger than our problems!
God has been speaking to me and I understand why things do not go according to our will.
I’m waiting for that miracle in faith.
I want to see God working in my studies, in my relationships with others, in every aspect of my life.
I’m trusting in Him. Only Him.

2009-10-21T19:06:00.002+08:00

The light that I'm looking forward to.

2009-10-21T18:50:00.003+08:00

我必须放弃太多了。
如果当初没做出这决定，我现在会如何呢?
真的有很多想做的事。
但我一再又一再地被它拘束。

怎么办呢? 我好像越陷越深...
这无法成真的梦想为什么消失不了?

Chinese A level and PW OP are coming up!
Seriously can't wait for them to be over.
But then, I'll have H3 and hockey to worry about.
Hmm... let's just take one step at a time.

Have been worrying about all these stuff recently.
I'm wondering if I would have to give up hockey eventually.
Really have no choice.
Hmm... let's just see how it goes.

Getting back our results in a week's time.
Man, to be honest, I'm really afraid.
I just want my DDSS to retain my 4H2.
Yeah, I had put in so much effort and deserve much better grades.
But sometimes things do happen and you just have to accept whatever that comes in your way. Oh well.

I have many things to reflect on.
I think I've been doing things the wrong way.
I need to change! For the better or whatever it is.
Need to organise my thoughts too.
Have beeen distracted by too many unnecessary stuff.
Hah. I guess I need to isolate myself one day and just think about all that has happened this year.
But one thing I can be sure of: GOD IS GOOD! :D

2009-10-05T20:35:00.002+08:00

2009-10-05T20:07:00.003+08:00

如果我有选择，我不想有任何感情。干脆做个无情冷漠的人吧。
太痛了，心太痛了。我以为我不会在乎友情。
但我错了。没想到我其实还挂念着他们。
如果我没感情就好了。
可是这样一来，我还算是人吗？
大家不知怎么，没有任何理由就疏远了。
也没有人原意找出问题的根本。
现在该怎么办呢？放弃吗？
我想这可能是最好的办法吧。放弃吧雪儿，放弃吧。

对自己感到很失望。虽然我已经尽力了，但到头来还是没有成就。
我还能怨谁呢？知能怪自己吧。
应该是哪里出错了。
我答应自己这会是第一次也是最后一次。

累了，真的累了。真希望有个可以依靠的人。
我不奢望什么，只要你静静地守护着我。
你，你在地球的哪个角落呢？

Haha. Gonna start bloggging in Chinese as I desperately need to improve on my Chinese. MT A level is less than a month away yo!
Really don't wanna retake.
Promos have just ended. Oh boy, it really demoralised me.
Especially so when I've studied so hard!
Oh well. Sometimes things just don't go your way.
Praying hard that I wouldn't need to drop any subject.
Although Promos are over, many stressful commitments are coming my way. Whoo~ I'm really not prepared. Feel so drained mentally and physically.
Whatever it is, I still have to pull through all these, with God's strength of course! (:

2009-08-12T23:44:00.002+08:00

There is hope in the Lord! (:

2009-08-12T23:27:00.002+08:00

I don't wanna be the one looking at your back

It has been a long time! Aha.
I don't think anyone visits my blog anymore.
Blogging ain't interesting when life is so mundane.

I shall say something about H3 research.
I seriously didn't expect attachment to be so fun.
We're so blessed to be atttached to LSK lab.
It seeems like we're the only ones having fun in STaR. Haha.
Attachment was like a holiday for us man.
We eat, sit, sleep, enjoy the air-con, chat, laugh, crap, go KTV, play games, put on weight ...
But of course we complete our work first!

The first part of our project has been settled.
Hope the assays will be successful too. (:
Looking forward to full time attachment again in Nov!
Too bad the crappiest Underground won't be around anymore.
I've seriously learnt so much during the 5 weeks there.
Had many first time experiences too. Haha.

St. Marg's Speech Day was disappointing.
Friends were what made it worth going.
Due to H1N1, only prize winners and guests were present.
Even the teachers weren't there.
How boring can that be?
Felt quite lousy during the whole event. Oh wells.

School has been stressful.
I've so much to catch up on!
Skipping CT may not be a good thing after all.
It's so risky! Can't imagine myself failing Promos man.
This year is coming to an end but I'm still kinda lost in JC life.
Have been so busy that I don't even know what I've been doing.
That's really sad. Shan't talk about school anymore.
But come to think about it, there's nothing much to talk about except school stuff. Haha.

I'm not looking forward to next week at all.
WR draft one and final EOM have to be submitted.
And we have Bio A level SPA, Chem mock SPA and Math test.
Raah. Not forgetting tutorials that need to be done.
Poof. Sometimes I wish I can just disappear to somewhere.
Well, I can't think of anything else to share now.
Shall just edit this post when there's something interesting.
Till then! (:

Show me what love is, be my guiding star

2009-06-13T23:35:00.001+08:00

I miss them.

2009-06-13T23:31:00.005+08:00

And by faith I'll go on...

Life has been insane.
H3 STaR attachment has started.
I'm attached to IMB (Institute of Medical Biology), together with Jiahui and Qian Yu.
Biopolis is a mega cool place.
Jiahui is a really good crapping partner. Haha.
We realised that we don't have the mind of scientist.
Qian Yu is so industrious. I'm so ashamed. Aha.
The project is pretty interesting but it has been boring coz we've not started on labwork.
Yeah, I'm trying to stuff my mind with all the complicated science journals and theory now.
Stem cells. Glycolysis. Phosphoglycerate kinase. Western blot. SDS Page. ATP. ADP. ROS.

I'm deprived of all forms of entertainment and leisure.
I spend more than 12 hours a day out of home (even though it's supposedly the holiday).
Weekdays are occupied by attachment and weekends by PW.
And I have yet to start on my homework. Great.
I can't accept that I'm missing the seniors' farewell chalet. Crap.
Although I like to be kept busy, I hate it when I don't even have time to stop and reflect.
It sucks to go through each day without fully understanding what have you been doing.

Did I mention that I detest the peak hours?!
I can't stand squeezing into the stinky, oxygen deprived train every morning and evening.
Not forgetting the duration that my aching legs have to bear. Raaah.
S'pore is seriously overpopulated!
I hate peak hours, I hate pig hours. Oh swine.
The thought of enduring this for 6 months make me really depressed.

I gotta admit that I'm stressed out, overwhelmed.
Now I know why the 'What's your stress level' quiz on facebook gave me a result of 97%.
I think it's 100% now?
This should be the reason why I'm always occupied with thoughts.
Yeah, sorry if I'm always distracted whenever you talk to me.

I wonder how am I gonna manage my time,
especially when school starts.
I'm lagging miles behind.
What am I gonna do to improve my chinese?
I can't afford to just pass my A level oral.
What's gonna happen to hockey?
Ahhh, I miss whacking balls.
I need to train hard for Nationals next year!
I pray that everything will turn out fine.

I've been bothered by personal stuff too...besides academic related matters.
Was thinking a lot about many issues
(when I still had time to reflect).
I'm saddened by what's going on around me.
Yeah, wasn't supposed to be affected but I somehow was.
Feel so dumb to put my hope and trust in it again (in case you're wondering, I'm not talking about boy-girl relationship or anything of that sort).
I hate myself for being too emotional at times.
Yup, it was my mistake. I don't blame anyone.
Life goes on.

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

2009-06-13T23:30:00.000+08:00

Complete

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice--my open heart.
I offer up my life.
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you, Lord
In Your strength will I break through, Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
And I will be complete in You.

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice--my open heart.
I offer up my life.
I look to You, Lord.
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord
And by faith, I will walk on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day,
And I will be complete in..

I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears.

Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And I pray I will hold on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in
I will be complete in
I will be complete in You

2009-05-22T23:35:00.003+08:00

NJC HOCKEY GIRLS TEAM 2009 <3

2009-05-22T22:51:00.005+08:00

A division 2009
Won ACJC 2-1
Won MI 1-0
Won TPJC 6-0
Lost to VJC 2-0
Lost to RJC 1-0

The last match was a crucial one which determined the semi- finalist.
We've fought hard and played our best.
Sad to say that we've lost.
I was seriously saddened after the match, blaming myself for not scoring that early goal.
How could I have missed that?

But I guess everything happens for a purpose.
I shouldn't think too much about it anymore.
Nothing can change.
Instead, I should reflect on what I've learnt.

Nationals have been an experience for me.
Looking back to 3 months ago, I've realised that we've improved so much.
Although I've made improvements, I'm still not skilful.
I wouldn't consider myself as a hockey player until I can play like one.
I still have so much to learn.

Although it was only 3 months, it's great to see how the team has bonded, especially during Nationals.
We've really nice seniors who are more like friends to us.
It has been a joy learning from them.

There are more to Nationals than winnning.
Even though our dreams of being in the top 4 was crushed, we've gained so much more in the processs.
Thanks to all for being such a supportive team.
I agree with coach that we've top players. (:
I also wanna thank my beloved friends for your encouragement, help, understanding and for putting up with my moodswings. (:
And of course, thank God for seeing us through this whole season!
Whatever it is, praise the Lord for every single thing!

Had the last pitch training as NJ hockey team 09 last thur.
The atmosphere wasn't the same as before.
It wasn't tense at all.
It's also the only time coach smiled so much. Haha.
Had games among ourselves (guys, gals, graduated seniors).
Took up positions that we've never played before. Haha.
It was really fun!!
Ended off trainning with a team talk and phototaking.
Really sad that the seniors have stepped down.
Trainings would never be the same without them!

I see the need to improve my fitness and master my basics.
Seriously, it's pathetic to score only one goal (the whole season) as a forward.
My stamina is really bad.
I suspect I've some health problems. Heh. I'm serious.
Like who on earth gets stitches just from walking?! Oh well.
Anyway, by A div next year, I will play like a hockey player and score more goals!

Nationals aside, I've so so so much to catch up on!
I'm lagging behind in my studies.
It doesn't feel good to fail tests repeatedly.
I've so much work to do.
Really need a break but I don't think I'm gonna get it.

H3 STaR full time attachment begins next week?
Yup, I won't be in school till mid July.
I'm worried that I'm unable to cope.
Not only with my studies but also with hockey.
I definitely need more trainings but I wonder how am I gonna squeeze out the time.
And with PW, the 'thief of time', there ain't much time left for me to study :/

Oh I've just realised that I didn't mention anything about my friends in NJC! Heh.
Our clique makes up one-third of the class. Haha.
They are very unique individuals. (:
Although it's has only been 3 months, glad to say that we can click well.
Thank God for every single one of them!

Why must I do good and yet get misunderstood?
But how, I just can't help but to care.

I wanna be a social recluse.

2009-04-20T22:47:00.004+08:00

Why can't I be the one?

Sometimes I wonder...
What life is all about?
I can't fathom.
Many things that happened are just too absurd.
There are many 'whys' that need to be answered.
What exactly is life?
I try to understand God's plan.
But it's just too complicated to comprehend.
I can only wait for events to unfold and get the whole picture after all the adversity.
Lord, I need wisdom.
Wisdom to understand Your ways.
Till then, help me to trust in You and keep that faith.

the love!

2009-04-18T19:50:00.002+08:00

They make school worth going :D

speech day

2009-04-18T19:49:00.002+08:00

2009-04-18T19:44:00.000+08:00

I wish I was emotionless...

Haven't been updating coz I've been extremely busy.
Life is pretty mundane too... NJCians have no life.
I wonder if I would still come to NJ given a second chance. Aha.
Thank God for nice friends though.
Life in NJ would be excruciating without them. Haha!

I've never hated school until I got promoted to JC.
Everything is so crappy.
PW is the greatest pain of all.
I don't see any point in doing PW, it adds to your stress.
And you can't expect anything innovative from a wood block like me.
Thank God for nice group mates though.

A level Chinese oral is just around the corner.
I've got nothing to say about my standard of Chinese.
And I'm so not looking forward to Chinese peer tutoring for CIP. Haha. They might end up tutoring me.

I think I'm really weird.
I wear contacts with spects. Haha.
Spects without any degree of course.
It's fun eh!
I wanna buy many frames and wear different ones everyday. xD
Haha. I'm deceiving myself that I've perfect eyesight.
But I remove them when I play sports.
Wanna get rid of my ugly spects tan line.
Yup, so the purpose of me wearing contacts is only for hockey actually.

Nationals are coming up!
First match will be next Wed against ACJC.
Honestly, I'm scared. I haven't even mastered the basics.
I feel very useless on the pitch.
Can't imagine myself playing for A div.
Oh God, please help me.
I believe NJ hockey team will make it though! (:
In the midst of my fears, I'm excited to journey through this together with the team.
Nothing less than Champions! Whoots!

I've got so much to say but I'm simply too lazy to type everything out.
In short, my life is in a complete mess.
I'm living in self denial from day to day.
Ignorance is bliss?!
Everything is going downhill.
And my academic performance has never been this bad.
Doesn't sound optimistic yeah.

Anyway, I'm trusting in God.
I'm sure everything will be fine eventually. (:

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

NJ hockey girls

2009-03-13T23:41:00.000+08:00

Seniors & Juniors! (:

Amanda and Alicia are not in the picture.

HOCKEY

2009-03-13T23:36:00.002+08:00

We spell hockey! Haha.

2009-03-13T21:55:00.006+08:00

Behind that facade lies a lonesome heart...

The long awaited March holiday is here! :D
So term 1 has ended? Many things had happened over the weeks and my feelings towards school differs much from the previous post.

Oh something random, I realised that there are many left handers in NJ. Haha. Kinda cool.

We've been allocated to our classes!
I didn't know anyone from my class at first. And there are only 4 guys in the class. Haha. So I guess it's not much different from St. Marg's.
Anyway, I made many new friends!
Decided to be sociable and introduced myself. Haha.
Our class bonded in like an hour?
There are many crazy people in the supposedly best BCME class. Aha.
Maybe we mugged until we went crazy.
There are super muggers in our class and there are less than 10 people in sports/arts CCA.
The rest are clubbers (pun intended). Haha.

I don't like the new Bio syllabus. It's all biochemistry.
Feels like I'm doing 2 Chem subjects.
Math is tough, I get very frustrated when I don't understand Math since it was my best and fave subject.
Econs is nuts. I don't know how to apply what I've learnt to the questions.
I seriously wonder why am I taking H2 Econs when I had intended to take Geog.
Chem is getting complicated.
Why on earth must we study about things which we cannot see. What orbital crap.

Heard that NJ has the toughest exam papers.
Oh my my, I'm worried for my promos.
I'm lagging behind in my school work.
The only subject I understand is GP?

NJ did very well for As! Yaye holiday!
But the half day holiday is pathetic.
In order not to disrupt lessons, our half day holiday will be on Thurs morning.
Not much of a difference since we can report late on Thursdays.
They should just give us early dismissal. Stingy school. xP

I applied for H3 STaR (science training and research programme).
I wonder if it's a right decision.
If I were to take H3 STaR, I would skip common tests.
Then my results will depend on my promos, if I don't meet the promotion criteria...D:

And I wonder how am I gonna manage my time.
Let's see, I would have 4 H2 subjects, 3 H1 subjects, 1 H3 subject, 3 days of CCA and office apprenticeship.
I think I'm overly enthusiastic. Haha.

Anyway, I'm getting used to the school. That's great!
School is gonna be fun again ( I choose to believe it will).
Honestly, the only thing I look forward to now is CCA.
Yeah, I enjoy the activity which takes up a lot of my time. Haha.
Kinda weird yeah. But hockey is fun!
Heh. I've successfully gotten Jiang Yuan into hockey. Yay!

I think I've gotten used to the trainings but I still need to master the art of studying-despite-feeling-dead-when-I-get-home-after-trainings. Hah.
And I'm still lousy at certain drills.
Coach scolded me for running too 'loudly'.
I've fat legs what.
Have you seen elephants stamping their feet quietly?
Aha. Wait. Why on earth am I comparing myself to elephant?!

The first friendly match against IJC was rather fun although the juniors didn't really play.
It was like our first time watching a live match? Aha.
The seniors are really pro.
Second friendly match against Teck Whye Sec was quite an experience. The juniors played too.
I must say that TWSS' players are really good.
They run super fast! I missed so many balls!
Ahh, felt so sad and lousy.
Third match was against AJC. Our team played well.
The goals scored by NJ were super nice.
I was quite demoralised though.
Played super badly and felt like some useless block of wood. Felt so bad for the seniors who got ticked off coz of me. ):
BUT I won't give up on hockey.
I MUST and WILL improve. Raaah.

I'm looking forward to hockey camp, and getting hockey jersey, jacket and stick! (:
I kinda like hockey now, although I had initially wanted floorball.
I'm staying on in hockey since I'm already familiar with it.
And I like the people in my CCA.
The seniors are very fun people. Haha.
I think they are the nicest seniors around. xD

Had road run the other day. Girls' route was 3.6 km.
The slopes were annoying. Aha.
Hockey girls had tags pinned to our backs...
walking/running advertisements. Kinda cool.

Some of the girls from my class were so funny.
They hid under a tiny umbrella when we were in the field.
I wonder if it's a good thing that I don't get tanned easily. Haha. At least I don't have to hide from the sun.
Actually, I don't mind getting tanned. Heh.

My lower braces is in. I dislike it. Arrgh.
I've 3 rubber bands in my mouth and I speak weirdly. :/
I wish I can remove my braces before A level, which is highly impossible.

I don't know since when I've developed a fetish for pink. Haha.
Baby pink is pretty. I might get a pink hockey stick. Aha.

I'm so sad that I didn't grow taller.
They said our school's measuring tape is inaccurate since everyone shrunk. Aha.
But I don't think I grew anyway.
In fact, I've stopped growing vertically since Sec 2.
Glad that I maintained my weight though.
Still working towards the ideal 50 kg body mass. Heh.

I seriously need proper time management.
Need to catch up on my work.
Honestly, my supposedly excellent Os results means nothing in NJ. :/
I've a whole pile of homework and issues waiting for me to settle. Raaah.

Believe it or not, I've not procrastinated in doing homework until I came to NJ. Yes, life is that hectic.
I think I'm becoming a slacker instead of a mugger in NJ.
Who says all NJCians are muggers?
Okay, maybe I'm one of those rare species who slack.
I hadn't been a responsible student this term.
Got totally distracted and neglected my school work.
Okay, I'm gonna work something out.
I'm not gonna be trapped in this vicious cycle.

Really sad that I can't go for HOF anymore.
I had intended to be more active in church this year.
Hmm... unforeseen circumstances.
But no matter what, God will always be my top priority.
I'm trying hard to have QT every night and I've been rather consistent. (:
I'll be completing Alpha Plus course very soon! Heh.
Would most probably get baptised by this year.

Ooo, I'm keeping my hair longer. Aha.
Let's see how long can I resist the temptation of cutting my hair yeah. xD

Okay, so I've spent 1.5 months in a co-ed school. Haha.
It's seriously different from girls' school.
It's so scandalous and so much gossip. :/
But having guys around can be fun too.
Guys like Eugene can be really entertaining. Haha!

Wooo, sucha long post!
I shouldn't have anything else to say.
Till then! (:

Holy One, come take my hand...

2009-02-22T15:36:00.004+08:00

And so, it's time to say goodbye......

Farewell Tracy! ):

I'm so sad that I'm unable to see you off today! Apologies!

Perhaps it's better not to go too.

If not I might weep for the whole 2 hour journey home from the airport.

Take care my friend!

You'll always have a special place in my heart.

The years of memories that we share are indelible.

All the best in the US!

Get along well with Ive and make sure you guys contact us.

I'll miss you! Love you Tracy Margarettha!

P.S. I won't deny that I got all teary today.

2009-02-16T20:04:00.005+08:00

Life is a moment in space
When the dream is gone
Its a lonelier place

Valentine's day was fun! I had 4 valentines! Jealous? Haha.
They are my lovely clique!
Miss them so much!
Tracy gave us a treat and we had never ending things to talk about.
We agreed that life in JC sucks without close friends.
I had oh-so many good friends in St. Marg's and I feel like a loner now.
Not that I have no friends but it's just different with new friends.
It's like you can't really be yourself.
What your secondary school friends accepted you as may not be acceptable to others.
Oh well. Perhaps it takes time.

NJ celebrated Vday on Fri. Kinda cute. Hah.
Thanks to all for your 'tokens of love'!
I really appreciate it. (:
Everyone says that I look very 'guai'. Haha.
I guess it's because I look neat.
I did not modify my uniform and it's really irritating me.
I hate 2 piece uniform. :/

Went for hockey training on Sat.
It's quite tough.
There are 2 hockey trainings, 1 floorball training and 1 floorball physical training every week.
Lots of commitment.
We still go for floorball though because they are under one CCA.
I think floorball sticks are prettier than hockey sticks. Hehe.

Life has never been as hectic!
It's even worse than those O level days.
I really need some rest.
Lessons have been fine.
Some are rather boring though.
And what we learn now is definitely more complicated than Os.
I still prefer being in a class to lectures in LTs.

I made many new friends but I still miss St. Marg's people.
There are so many long breaks that I don't know what to do.
Whereas in secondary school, we yearned to have few minute breaks. Haha.
I hope I would be able to find a group of good friends in NJ, friends like those in St. Marg's.

Went back to school today with Akshaya!
I miss her loads! :D
Yeah so we talked to the teachers and took pics with them
Mr Low was so funny.
He asked us if we face temptations in a co-ed school. Hahaha.
Talked the most with him. It was rather fun.

Actually it felt quite awkward visiting the teachers.
They felt distant.
I don't know why but I felt a tinge of sadness.
It occurred to me that St. Marg's has already became a matter of the past.
I don't think I'll go back anytime soon.
My busy schedule doesn't permit me to do so too.
Although I miss St. Marg's badly, it's time to move on.
Everything has changed.

Alright, that's it for today.
To those whose pics are with me, I'm so sorry!
I really have no time to transfer them to my compt.
I'll upload them as soon as I'm free ok. (:

If life was a rollar coaster ride,
mine would be one of the most thrilling one.
Lord, I'm trusting in you.

Viva La Vida~ Live the Life!

2009-02-07T20:04:00.007+08:00

I've gotten what I wanted, but something is still missing.

The first day of school was rather boring.
It was full of talks. The principal is very proud of NJC. Haha. She said we're the batch with the best results and the cream of the crop. Oh well.

Chose our subject combination too.
I gave up the idea of taking KI and Geog.
I chose Bio, Chem, Math and Econs, all H2.

Day 2 was tiring.
The main highlights were the informal walk in and the mass dance.
The informal walk in was really good.
NJ has very professional dancers!
Mass dance was draining!
I don't get the dance steps for 'Don't stop the music'.
The 'Summer Nights' dance which we learnt on Friday was pretty fun though.

Day 3 was insanely fun!
We had station games. Got totally wet and dirty.
Then had CCA Carnival. Hope I can get into floorball!
Trials this tuesday!

Day 4 has exhausting.
We had external hunt.
Walked around Woodlands and Clark Quay.
My legs were aching like mad.
The activities were fun though.

Day 5 was a blast!
We had showdown/water bomb games. Haha.
It was really fun!
We had dance party in the night.
It was totally like a disco (I think).
We're in high spirits and danced for 2 hrs!
It's so sad that it's the end of orientation.

The OGLs gave us a card with our group pics!
Special thanks to Jia Min, Yue Xi, Kah Yee, Matilda and Sean for being such fabulous leaders!
Thanks to all the OG members for making OG 21 for fun!
We love OG 21! :D

It's quite sad that most of them are taking Physics and only a few are taking Chinese.
That means I won't be in the same class as them. ):

We had a 'pleasant' experience when we're going to the bus stop on Fri night. Haha. The side gate was locked!
The NJ guys taught and helped us climb over the gate/fence.
It was really scary! And I fell on my bum. Haha.
Climbing over St. Marg's and SA's gates weren't as scary.

Overall, orientation was fun.
However, I still don't feel a sense of belonging to the school.
I miss St. Marg's loads! ):
I totally had a culture shock in NJ.
I still have so much to say on how I feel about NJ.
But I'm running short of time now.
It's gonna be super hectic next week!
I will post up pics when I'm free.
Till next time!(:

Hamster is cute! Haha.

I'm not gonna regret my choice.
I know things are gonna get better.
God is with me!

2009-01-31T13:00:00.001+08:00

If we hold on to the past,
our arms aren't free to embrace today.

1e3 class reunion on Thursday was quite fun!
Ms Ho gave us a treat at Cafe Cartel.
So nice of her. (:
It was super funny when we've finished eating.
Hehe. Inside joke.
We talked about sch and all.
Ms Ho remembered me as the quiet girl. Hah.

Watched The Wedding Game with CZ, Clarissa, Cassandra and Jeannette before the dinner.
It's the 6th movie I've watched in a cinema (in my lifetime, hehe).
I'm not really into movies.
Anyway, the show was alright......predictable storyline.

Extracted another 2 teeth yesterday. Ahh.
My mouth feels so 'bare' now. My teeth kinda hurts too.
I'm gonna put lower braces too.
Man, I'm sad.
It's gonna be more money, more work, more pain and more discomfort.
Braces ain't cool at all.
Yeah, so be thankful that you don't need it.

I got into my first choice, NJC.
I'm ambivalent about it.
I'm disappointed that my friends got posted elsewhere and I've no close friend going there. Lonesome dot.
Thank God that I'm not the only St. Marg's girl though.

I'm not confident of adapting well.
I can't imagine myself going around smiling and saying
'Hi! I'm Cheryl, nice meeting you!'
But I believe God will help me.
Like what Akshaya said, there's a purpose for everything that happens.
Since God placed me in NJC, I'm sure things will turn out well.
Oh Lord please let my friends' appeal to NJC be successful.

There will be 5 days of orientation.
I don't know if it's a good thing but hopefully I can make new friends. (:

I can't live without You.
I can't walk this road alone.
In my life I need You.
Holy One come take my hand.

2009-01-16T13:07:00.005+08:00

13th Jan
Had farewell dinner with the clique at Novena Square.
Ive treated us to Thai food. (:
It was a great time of fellowship.
We talked about all the funny things which happened in class. Haha.
Ive's 'you make my leaves fall' and June's 'Goldenmouth' made us laugh like crap.
We were so retarded when taking pictures.
The timer for our cameras was like 10 seconds. Haha.
By the tenth second, we were already laughing.
Headed to Tracy's place for more pics. Haha.
We stood in the pool to erm... measure the depth. xD
Then we went to the playground to play. Ahaha.
Finally it was time to say goodbye. ):
It's a pity that we are all going to different schools.
I'll definitely miss all of them, especially Ive and Tracy who are going to the States. Thank you guys!
For bringing so much joy to me all these years! (:

15th Jan
Went to the airport to see Ive off.
She won't be coming back to S'pore anymore. ):
Took pictures and gave her many hugs. Heh.
We'll miss her! No more weight taking and toilet partner! ):
I'll upload the pictures soon.

16th Jan
Okay, I've finally submitted my JAE application last night.
JAE troubled me for many days man.
My first choice is National JC.
Hope I won't regret!
The scholarship (ESIP) I've received made it so tempting to go to RJC and HCI.
I think it's worth almost $10 000 over 2 yrs?
I think I won't be able to cope even IF I get into Raffles of Hwa Chong.
IF I'm really that clever, I believe I would still excel in other top schools. Haha.
So yup, NJC!
Hope to meet Akshaya there and floorball, here I come! (:

Happy Birthday to my sis! (:
Today is my birthday too.
I never like birthdays. Don't ask me why.
Anyway, thanks for all your gifts and wishes!
Thank God for being with me all these 17 yrs!
The best birthday present is also my excellent results from Him! (:
Haha. I still find it so unbelievable.
I'm one who spends most of the time crapping and disturbing people in class. xD
God's work is just so amazing! (:

It's true that you will see who your true friends are in hard times. On the other hand, this fact exists in good times too.
Through the results, I've realised who my true friends are.
For the rest of you, I'm utterly disappointed.

2009-01-12T17:23:00.008+08:00

TO GOD BE THE GLORY!

THANK YOU FATHER!

L1R5(before bonus points): 6
Number of distinctions: 8
Level position: 3rd

It was not by my might.
It was all by God's grace.
He deserves all praise!

I wasn't especially nervous when I got to the hall.
I had the peace of God. (:
Mrs Tan came along and gave us the breakdown of the results.
Our batch did very well! :D

Next, she announced the top Sec 5 pupil.
Then came the results of the express stream.
"Third in the level, we have Cheryl Liew..."
In my heart I was like 'What?!'
Haha. I REALLY did not expect to be one of the top pupils!
Yup, so clap clap clap and I went up to receive my cert.
Mrs Tan hugged me! Haha!
I was seriously too shocked to cry.

I was reminded of how lousy I felt after certain subjects that I cried (after those papers).
I thought it was the end of it. Haha.
But God never fails! Thank you Lord!
I wanna thank all my teachers, friends and family too!
Thank you for all your help!
Thank you also to those who congratulated me! (:
Congrats also to Angel and Xin Min for being the top pupils!

And nope, I don't regret not taking higher chinese.
I'm also not disappointed that I got A2 for Physics.
In fact, I'm thankful to God!

My secret to good results?
God, perseverance, consistency and hard work!
God must still be first above everything.
Have faith in Him and give off your best! (:

It's definitely the best birthday present ever!

And I saw Mdm Yeo! Yay! I miss her so much!:D
She was the first one to give me a hug. Well, sort of. Haha.

I can't decide on which JC to go!
National or Victoria?
I'm having a headache now.
Oh God, please lead me!

2009-01-08T17:32:00.003+08:00

Since it's a new year, it's time for resolutions.
Ok, here are mine:

1. Complete Alpha Plus course and get baptised
2. Focus on studies
3. Join a sports CCA
4. Save money
5. Keep in touch with my friends
6. Take the initiative to make new friends in church and sch
Lastly, live 2009 without regrets!

I was reading through my personal diary (yes, I keep a diary) the other day.
I wrote so much about the fond memories in sch.
Reading them brought a smile to my face.
But I realised tht I miss 2008 even more.
If it's possible, I really hope 2008 will repeat itself all over again. Hah. Why am I saying this in the new year?
What can I do now? Move on man!

Collected my scholarship!
I didn't attend the ceremony last Sunday. Haha. xD
Thank God for the $500 cheque!
I didn't expect myself to be in the top 5%.
Praise God!

I feel weird to be still at home.
I really miss St. Marg's.
I dun mind going through all the sch rules and admin stuff once again (although I used to dread it).
Just let me spend this month in sch. ):
I remember we used to watch and comment on the Sec 1s on the first day of sch. Haha. The good old days.

Coming Feb, we would be going to a totally new environment.
Frankly speaking, I'm not looking forward to it.
We won't be greeted by the oh-so familiar sight that we've been seeing for 4 years.
Instead, theatmosphere would just be awkward.
As you know (maybe you dun), I'm really shy (I blush easily too). Socialising has never been easy for me.
I dun think I like the idea of having new teachers.
I miss Mdm Yeo!
Kinda miss Ms Noraini, Mr Low and Mrs Lim too.
St. Marg's seriously has the best teachers!

Oh btw, I've uploaded the class gathering pics on my Flickr.
Go get it from there. (:

I dun understand why there are ppl who asked if I put on make up. Even my mum thought so. Haha.
I dun put on make up alright. It's natural beauty. xD

Went for dental just now.
The dentist added extra stuff and it's more painful than the previous visit.
I dunno why but she told me tht my sis is pretty (my sis went for consultation the other day).
I wonder if she's trying to imply anything. Haha.
There's a reason why I said tht my sis and I are worlds apart.

This is it......
The results of the 2008 Singapore-Cambridge General Certificate of Education Ordinary Level (GCE O-Level) Examination will be released on Monday, 12 January 2009.
School candidates may collect their results from their schools at 2:00 pm on 12 January 2009.

Isn't it amazing tht my post is rather long?
I mean I shld be feeling too anxious to blog. Aha.
Oh well, I guess we've to face it eventually.
I'm just so glad to have the peace of God.
No matter what will happen. let God's will be done.
The only thing tht I can pray for now is for the serenity to accept the things which I cannot change.

Although the initial and main goal was our results, we've actually learnt and gained so much more in these 2 years.
Ditto with me? And tht's definitely something worth to be thankful for.
Anw, we will see wht happens on Mon.
It would certainly be an emotional day for all.
Till then!

Can the probability be one?

2008-12-31T15:09:00.001+08:00

I've finally gotten a second pair of ear piercing! Heh. (:
I've been shopping too much lately :/

I wanna give praises to God for every single thing!
I just can't thank Him enough.
How could I live without Him?

Holiday has ended for most students.
As for us, we've only a month left.
How time flies.

I can still clearly remember the first day of sch (Both on 2005 and 2008).

So tmr is the first day of 2009!
Happy New Year in advance! (:

Alright, since today is the last day of 2008, I shall do some reflection...

Woo~ year 2008 has been pretty much of a rollar coaster ride.
It's definitely one of the most memorable year.
I guess the big thing for us would be the O level.
Well, I wouldn't say that O level is an entirely bad thing.
It made me learn a lot!
It has also helped to foster closer relationships with teachers and friends.
It's really comforting to see everyone helping each other through this tough journey. (:
I've so much to say about O level, but I shan't elaborate much here.
Hah. If not it would be more of a post O level reflection.

Despite the Os, I think 2008 is the best year of my life!

I had a blast!
Everything made a lasting impression.
From Valentines' Day devotion to Science Day to Field Trip to exams to Graduation to O level.
I wouldn't forget the people and events that have touched me.
I'm just so thankful for my stay in St. Marg's.
I have grown so much!
Not phsically but mentally. Heh.

Thank God for caring and competent teachers!
I've realised that teachers can be friends too.
I'm really upset that we had to say goodbye.
I guess I've grown too attached to my school.

This year is full of joy and regrets.
Many things have became so dear to me that I find it hard to let go of them.

But most importantly, God has never left my side.
At the beginning of the year, I was wondering how could I survive this year.
But God has seen me through.
Indeed I have survived 2008 ,emerging as a tougher person.
I owe all glory and praises to Him.
I am nothing without my Lord.
Thank you Father!

In the end, all that we're left with are experinces and memories.
Memories, would they bring more hurt than joy?

Looking back, would I be glad that I have those memories or would I be sad that they are long gone?

2008-12-23T15:02:00.000+08:00

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16

Christmas is all about the birth of Jesus, our saviour.
Let us give thanks for his saving grace.
That's the true meaning of Christmas.

Here I Am To Worship (Light Of The World)

Light of the world
You stepped down into darkness
Opened my eyes, let me see
Beauty that made this heart adore You
Hope of a life spent with You

Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that You're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me

King of all days
Oh so highly exalted
Glorious in Heaven above
Humbly You came to the earth You created
All for love's sake became poor

Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that You're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me

I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross

Class gathering 08

2008-12-16T19:04:00.002+08:00

2008-12-16T18:39:00.004+08:00

Class gathering today!

Thank God for the 19+2 (who dropped by) people who came.
It has been fun working with Belinda. Haha.
It's such a relief that everything went on well.
So basically, we ate and chatted the whole afternoon.

After 2.5 hrs of eating, I left for home.
Yup, the end. :/
I'm really pissed with my mum for rushing me home.
I wanted to go shopping~

Anw, I wonder if we are ever gonna have another class gathering. Hmm...
I will upload the pics on my Flickr soon. So get it from there.

Next up! Escape on the 29th with combined clique! (:

And no, I'm not going overseas.
I believe S'pore is still the safest country for now. Heh.

I've given up looking for a job. Aha.
I shall just slack at home. xD
Watch more Dvds and read more books! (:

Why take them so seriously since they are ephemeral?
Nothing in this earth last.

2008-12-09T10:43:00.002+08:00

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
The very next day you gave it away
This year to save me from tears
I will give it to someone special

Konquerors was awesome! Truly enriching.
Rev Geoff Woodward is really dramatic and captivating.
And he's so sweet to his wife. (:

Hols have been a bore.
I've practically nothing to do at home.
I've been bringing my niece to play sports. Aha.
Really enjoy them. (:

I wanna work!
I've been accumulating fats in my body. Hehe.
Have gained 2 kg ever since holiday started. :/
Can't seem to find a suitable job though. ):

I look so ~~nerdy~~ smart in my new spects. xD
Haha. Phyllis said that ~~my spects~~ I look charming! :p

I still feel out of place.
But it's already quite an achievement for an anti-social like me to come this far.
Let's just let nature take its course.
I believe it takes time to adapt. (:
I just wonder how did I manage to make so many friends in school.
Oh well.

Went to Phyllis' place for dinner and met Brenda for lunch yesterday.
Had a great time catching up with Brenda. (:
Phyllis is a great cook!
What a shame, I don't even know wht's a toaster. Haha.
We were so bloated that we couldn't finish the main course.
Then we packet the food home. Haha.
Post the pics up next time!

Her house has a hidden toilet bowl!
I forgot to take a pic of it. Heh.
Me: 'Phyllis! There's no toilet bowl in your toilet!'
It's actually well hidden behind the door. Haha.
Ashley had the same reaction too.

Me: 'Phyllis, can I use your compt?'
Phyllis sister (Xenia): 'Did you say you wanna use the compt?'
CZ and I: 'Ya,'
Xenia takes a comb to us. Haha!
Apparently, she heard 'compt ' as 'comb'.

Had a great time of fellowship with the 6 of them.
Thank God for fabulous friends!
I certainly don't wanna lose any of my good friends. (:

2008-12-09T10:01:00.002+08:00

Look at Ms Norani's reply to the invitation for class gathering! Haha. She's super cute!
And take note of our email address (by Belinda and I)! xD

Dear Random Students,

Thank you so much for the invite but I'm afraid my big self would not be around on the big day!
Customary for all who are in the profession, we need to find a quite corner to rest our battered souls before we resume our battle of survival again in January.
Hence my absence to rejuvenate and recover!
I would only be back at the end of the month :)
Yes, I do miss the polite and earnest lot of you and please convey my regards to the whole class.
Drink a toast on my behalf - To future success and realization of dreams! Cheers!

Hugs to all,
Your big, strong and friendly TEACH!
Ms Noraini

----- Original Message -----
From: Foursix Zeroeight <ournameswontberevealed@yahoo.com.sg>
Date: Saturday, December 6, 2008 6:39 pm
Subject: Invitation to 4E6's class gathering

Lovable, amiable and sweet form teacher and form tutor
Members of 4E6
000 Pro-Globalisation Road
Internet 000 000

6 December 2008

Dearest beloved teachers,

Invitation to the class gathering

We’re writing to inform you about something BIG!
YOU ARE INVITED to 4E6’s class gathering! (:

We’re having a class gathering on 16 DEC 2008!
A sit down lunch is being suggested.
This would enable us to get together and chat with our classmates and teachers while eating, hence building and sustaining bonds! (:

Here are the details of the gathering:
CLASS GATHERING
Date:
16 Dec 2008, Tuesday

Time:
Starts @ 1.30pm

Venue:
Seoul Garden @ Ngee Ann City
391A Orchard Road #05-10
Ngee Ann City
Singapore 238 873
Tel: 6836 1339
Fax: 6836 1338
(Opening hours: 11.30am to 10.30pm)>

Price:
WEEKDAY
Lunch: Adult $15.99 ++

It’s actually a buffet.
So it’s actually a ‘walk about lunch’ (Haha. You get exercise at the same time! And of course, burn down all those excess calories which you have eaten! Wow! What a healthy and gracious lifestyle.)

4E6 would like you to know that……
WE MISS YOU A LOT!!!
Don’t you miss us too?

We really look forward to your presence at the class gathering! We hope that you will grace the event with your presence! :D

So yup, this is all. Please reply as soon as possible stating if you’re going as reservation is needed. (:

We hope to hear from you soon! :D

Yours Sincerely,
Random Students
Organisers of class gathering 2008
Class 4E6

2008-12-02T14:41:00.001+08:00

Wow! It's already the last month of the year!
It really doesn't feel like it.
I guess I was too engrossed in my studies.
This year has been like a breeze.
Just when things start to slow down, it's already December!
Alright, I shall leave my reflections to the last post of the year.

I can't wait for dinner at Phyllis' place next Mon! Haha.
Woo~ busy week ahead!
I've dental appt next Wed and I'm occupied for the rest of next week.
Heh. I like to be busy.

Hols have been pretty unproductive.
So far, I 've only read half of TKM.
I've yet to do Amath. Aha.
And I've no track shoes to go jogging. Yeah pathetic.
Gotta get a pair soon.

Oh, I've uploaded the graduation pics on my Flickr.
Those who want your pics, click here.
Not all the pics are there though. xD
You can ask from me personally if yours isn't.

Fond memories are meant to be forgotten.

2008-12-02T12:37:00.002+08:00

Thank you Lord! :D

I'm so blessed!

Reminded me of 'Reward for work and work for reward'. Ahaha.

Cassia and I

2008-11-22T19:03:00.001+08:00

Braces. :/

mama

2008-11-22T17:32:00.002+08:00

Yes, I know tht I dun look like my mum at all.

2008-11-22T17:09:00.003+08:00

Went shopping today!
I've set my eyes on a pair of Adidas track shoes and bag.
Hehe. They will be mine soon. xD

Anyway, went for HOF yesterday after 6 yrs!
Aha. It was great. The movie- Mother Teresa was good. (:
Gotta know some new friends too. Yay.

There's a problem with the class gathering.
We've gotta find a new venue but we seriously dunno where. :/
Really hope that it won't be cancelled.
Btw, do you have any suggestion?

I've read a few chpts of TKM.
I must say that it's rather interesting!(:

You were so close but yet so far.

me june CZ

2008-11-20T15:32:00.002+08:00

Me, June, CZ in Sec 4

Compare it to the pic below. Haha.

me june cz

2008-11-20T15:31:00.005+08:00

Me, June, CZ in Sec 1.

Haha. Look at my baby fats!

7 yrs old

2008-11-20T15:31:00.004+08:00

The most adorable person... ME! Haha.

Almost a decade ago.

2008-11-20T14:59:00.003+08:00

HEYLO!
Have been really busy over the past week.
I think I'm gonna be quite free from today onwards though.
Gonna start reading TKM later! :D

Why is it that everyone seems to be working?
I feel like a bum. Aha.
But it was my mum who doesn't want me to work.
I'm not spoilt, just well taken care of. Hehe.

Anyway, I've gotten quite used to my braces!
Just feeling depressed over the fact that I can't eat like I used to. Oh well. I guess tht's the price to pay.

Belinda and I came up with this very lame invitation for the class gathering. Haha.
You can go to her blog to check it out.
Hope most of the class would be able to make it. (:

It's too painful to live on past memories,
especially when you know that they are gone forever.

2008-11-17T19:39:00.004+08:00

Dental treatment for 3 whole hours just now!
Thank God it wasn't painful, although it's starting to ache now.
I just feel so sad that I've to part with all the good food!
I can't take food that needs a lot of chewing and biting.
So it's goodbye to steaks, apples, pears, chocolates, pizza......Ahh.
And I can't eat the box of jelly beans which I bought recently. ):
Sad life.

Anyway, my braces is pretty pink. Hehee.
Wanted to choose red and green for Christmas but I thought it would look really weird. Aha.
I can't get used to my 'braces look'.
I miss seeing my nice straight teeth.
Yeah. The reason for putting on braces was not to straighten my teeth. It was to pull the upper jaw back.
Oh well.

I'm dead beat.
Have been going out for 5 consecutive days.
Tomorrow will be the sixth.

Alright, when I have the time, I will......
1. Jog every morning
2. Read To Kill a Mocking Bird
3. Change my blogskin
4. Update my Flickr account
5. Read more books
6. Do Amath (HAHA! I miss Amath!)
7. Improve on my guitar skills
8. Do whatever I wanna do

Enjoy your hols!

2008-11-14T19:24:00.003+08:00

O level is finally over!
But why am I not happy?
No, I'm not weird.
I'm just sad tht life suddenly seems so 'empty'.
And I really miss school! ):
Oh well, I think I'll get over it.

Anyway, I wanna thank those who have helped and encouraged me!
Thank you! I really aprreciate that.
Most importantly, I wanna thank God!
How could I come this far without You?
You were there when I was discouraged,
You were there when I was afraid,
You were there when I was happy.
You were alway there!
I'm just gonna commit the results into Your hands.
I know that You've a plan for me. (:

I have so much to say but I'm gonna update more some other time.
Had dental appt just now and my gum hurts.
I wonder wht's gonna happen on Monday.
Alright, till then!(:

2008-11-03T18:17:00.003+08:00

3 more science papers...
One more week!
Thank You Lord for always being with me.
Thank God for the sermon yesterday.
I'm not gonna be upset anymore.
I know it's all in Your hands.

If you believed, you would see the glory of God.

Do you believe?

I saw Mdm Yeo today after 2 weeks! :D
Yay! I miss her. Haha.

Almost died of embarrassment yesterday.
I still can't believe I did that. :/

2008-10-31T18:55:00.004+08:00

Every tear I have cried
You hold in Your hands
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Lord, it's enough to know that You are near.
No matter what, I will not lose faith.
No, I don't want to lose faith.
Even though I'm disappointed,
I know that it's part of Your plan.

Just one last cry.

2008-10-18T15:09:00.003+08:00

Because He Lives

God sent his Son
They called him Jesus
He came to love
He planned to forgive
He gave and he died
To buy my pardon
An empty grave is there
To prove My Savior lives

And because he lives
I can face tomorrow
Because he lives
All my fear is gone
Because I know
He holds the future
And life is worth the living
Just because he lives

And then one day
I’ll cross that river
I’ll fight life’s final war today
And then his death gives way to victory
I’ll see the lights of glory
And I’ll know he reigns

And because he lives
I can face tomorrow
Because he lives
All my fear is gone
Because I know
He holds the future
And life is worth the living
Just because he lives

2 more days......
I would be lying if I say that I'm not afraid.
But because I have God, I know everything is gonna be fine.
My God will see me through!

school

2008-10-03T19:48:00.005+08:00

FAREWELL ST. MARG'S

4e6

2008-10-03T19:48:00.004+08:00

We were supposed to get A for class cleanliness but the prefect took it away.

Combined clique + angel, vivian

2008-10-03T19:47:00.005+08:00

clique

2008-10-03T19:47:00.004+08:00

Clique and Mdm Yeo

2008-10-03T19:46:00.002+08:00

Clique+ Ms Noraini

2008-10-03T19:45:00.010+08:00

Mr Low, Ive and I

2008-10-03T19:45:00.009+08:00

beloved Mdm Yeo

2008-10-03T19:45:00.008+08:00

2008-10-03T19:38:00.002+08:00

Today was the last day of school before we leave for study break.
A day of ambivalence I guess.
Life as a St. Marg’s student had just come to an end.
Yeah, E-N-D.

I went to sch feeling quite upset. It’s the last day. The last day we’re gonna share jokes in class, the last day we’re having lessons, the last day we’re seeing our teachers. It seriously doesn’t feel like 9 mths have passed.

We didn’t really have lessons today… were cam-whoring the whole day. It was fun and I managed to take pics with everyone except the absentees. ):
Mr Low was super funny when we took a pic with him. Haha. He loves the peace sign.
Mrs Lim didn’t wanna take picture. ):

The farewell assembly was alright. Not as emotional as I thought it would be. We sang the school song and hymn for the last time. While I was singing, I thought about the orientation days. Man, was that really 4 yrs ago?

The buffet was nice. We had a great time drinking sparkling wine. The ‘yum sengs’ were madness. Haha. We did our class cheer too! (:

Ohoh! I got a hug from Mdm Yeo! :D
Well actually I was the one who wanted to hug her. Haha.
Nvm, I still got to hug her! Yay! Wanted to hug Ms Noraini too but she was nowhere to be found.
After the buffet, we went to swirl and played taboo.
Left earlier so that I can be home to blog. Haha.
Took 165 pictures but I’m just gonna post a few.
The rest of the pics will be up on my Flickr soon.

Before I close, I think it’s necessary to do some reflections. Let’s take a walk down memory lane. (:

Sec 1: I came to this school as a rather reserved person who doesn’t like to socialise. I preferred to live in my own little world and isolate myself from the class. And of course, I was a reluctant speaker. My voice could rarely be heard in class. When I do presentations, you can hear nothing but murmurs. I did not dare to speak up in class and would always have this serious look on my face. Yes, that WAS me.
Then, I met some wonderful friends who started to change me. My partner in Sec 1E3 was CZ. As we all know, CZ was a direct opposite of me (at that time). Just as the saying goes, ‘You are who you mix with’ Yup, I became a tad bit more sociable.
1e3 was a fun class, we were all friends with no distinct cliques. As the year 2005 passed, I began to step out of my little shell and became a nicer person to hang out with.

Sec 2: Honestly, I did not like my class from the first day of school. Although I did not like the class, I love many of my 2E4 classmates (you know who you are). I’m glad that although we couldn’t work as a class, there were still nice individuals. In Sec 2, I had become quite sociable and lame. Haha. I was quite a different person from Sec 1. I was involved in this external project which built up my confidence and presentation skills. Of course, devotions helped me in those aspects too. By Sec 2, I was already quite a good presenter. Haha. I had also become a rather playful person and the word ‘serious’ doesn’t seem to suit me anymore. However, I worked hard for my streaming examinations. Yeah, coz I wanted to be in the best stream. xD

Sec 3: It was the beginning of the best two years I had in St. Marg’s. Our class was the best! Although we’re the only triple science class, we didn’t quite fit the description of ‘nerds’. Haha. We’re a bunch of crazy and weird students. The teachers could not stand our noise level and they were surprised at how different we were from the previous batches. However, the teachers got used to our nonsense and would sometimes join us as well. Life in upper sec was very different. The teachers were awesome. By then, I was already quite similar to CZ. Haha. No offence. I like being crazy with her. (: 2007 also marks the beginning of new friendships. Our clique was formed. Haha. Actually, we’ve known each other since Sec 1 (except Ive), so it wasn’t a problem getting to know each other. I was a total opposite of myself in Sec 1. Haha. I think you know what I mean. I also dunno how I became so crazy and friendly. xD

Sec 4: The O level year. I wasn’t stressed about the exam. In fact, I didn’t feel the urgency until Prelims? Hah. Ok, in Sec 4, I think we are more like friends with the teachers. I felt totally comfortable going for consultations and asking questions. This is the only year I paid full attention in class. Amazingly, my grades got much better. Hah. Sec 4 is the best of the four years. We had the best combination of teachers and funky form teachers. (: Sec 4 is the year when friendships are strengthened and you can see how we helped each other to improve. As the days passed, we became to feel the sadness of being separated from our classmates. And today, we could only wish everyone the best and hopefully, we’ll still be in contact. As what the speakers had said, today is the end of a chapter of our lives but it is the beginning of another.

I had learnt a lot from St. Marg’s. Not only to become a better person but I was also drawn back to God. I
t was fantastic being in a missionary girls’ school.
I LOVE THE POLKA DOTTED UNIFORM and am proud of it.
I love every aspect of the school and of course the teachers!
Thank you for these four years.
It was definitely the best time of my life.
I LOVE YOU!

Hair extensions xD

2008-10-03T19:33:00.003+08:00

A quick update of the recent happenings!
1. Prelims
I seriously dunno what went wrong.
I totally didn’t expect to do badly for humanities.
In fact, I was confident of getting an A.
But unexpected things do happen, my grade was no where close to an A. Every subject was great except humanities.
Sad to say it pulled my L1R5 down.
I know that there’s no point lamenting but I’m just so disappointed. Nevertheless, I’m gonna give it another shot.
I have to halve my L1R5 for O level.
I shouldn’t let Prelims affect me yeah. (:
At the end of it, I wanna tell myself ‘You have worked hard and you’ll get what you deserve.’ but not ‘If I had worked harder, I would have done better.’
What’s impossible to achieve when I have God?

2. Intensive revision
The last two weeks of school were spent on intensive revision. Everyone got into full swing study mode.
And there I was wasting all my free periods away. ):
But I had consultations with teachers. Haha. Ease my guilt. xD

3. O level
O level starts this coming Tuesday! How time teleports!
I’m not exactly looking forward to it.
But on the other hand, I can’t wait for post O level activities.
We planned a combined clique outing on 13th Nov and many more during the holidays! Really excited! (:
There are so many things that I wanna do after Os!
Just have to bear with it for a month and FREEDOM is here. Haha.

Oh before I forget, I had this dream recently.
I dreamt about pulling Akshaya’s hair and a bundle of it came off.
Me: ‘Oh no! Oh no!’
Akshaya: ‘Don’t worry, those are hair extensions!’
Gosh, why am I so lame even in my dreams? Haha!

This was what happened in my dreams:

From Akshaya’s blog:

‘~~DUMB~~ GENIUS IS SUPER FUNNY.We burst out into laughter halfway during Amath and Mdm Yeo stared at us like we were lunatics.Cheryl's stupid phone and noises!HAHAHA. And the funniest thing was that she didn't realise that the sound was coming from her.And the way she tried to cover up by 'er humph'ing was SUPER FUNNY.’

I don’t know why but a music video suddenly played.
It was super scary okay. I almost had a heart attack.
Akshaya: ‘ Eh, the music is coming from your bag.’
Me: ‘Huh. No lah. I off my phone and it’s on silent mode.’
Then music got louder… I immediately threw my bag on the floor and tried to off it. I was also ‘Uh hum humming’ to cover up the music. Haha. It was rather funny and Akshaya and I burst out in laughter. Yeah, lunatics. Hah!

Akshaya! I’m so gonna miss you! My crapping/laughing/math partner in class. 100% for Amath okay? Haha!
And also the first person I see every morning! Love you! (:
P.S. Aren’t you honoured that I blogged so much about you? Haha.

2008-08-12T17:18:00.002+08:00

When something is worth doing,
It’s worth doing it well

A1 and distinction (oral and LC) for Chinese O level results!
Praise the Lord!
All glory is to Him! (:
Our class did very well!
Most of us got an A! :D

The Beijing Olympics is the bomb!
Every part of it is just awesome!
It’s the hot topic in our class.
Haha. Zenia and I are gonna do synchronised diving! :p

Prelim is in 2 weeks!
I really dun want it to be so soon.

The start of prelims means several things:
1.O level is one and a half months away
2.We’re graduating soon
3.Time is just gonna fly

Don’t you agree that time passes very fast during the exam period? I wish we’re in term 1 now.
Then, I would really treasure all the time that I had.
Just less than 2 months together as a class. ):

I still can’t believe that my days in St. Marg’s are ending soon.
Man, I was just Sec 1 then!
Anw, nothing can be done about it.
We can’t possibly stop the time.

Everyone is mugging hard now.
There are myriad things to do, but there’s just so little time.
I’m glad that I’ve started my revision early though.
At least I’ve gotten much info into my head.

EL O level oral is next week! Please pray for me!
I didn’t do very well for my Prelims.
I hope that my biteplate will not affect my enunciation.
Lord, I commit everything to You. (:

Mr Anthony inspired me to read Newsweek. Haha.
And he thinks Akshaya and I are inseparable.
That really buffles us.
I failed the recent SS test. Really disappointed man.
I thought I did well for SEQ. Oh well.

I love Math lessons!
Mdm Yeo, the nicest and meanest (yes, I know it’s an oxymoron) teacher will always be there to answer all your questions. (:
She’s definitely the sweetest teacher around.

Mrs Lim revealed her true nature to us the other day.
She’s actually VERY open minded.
She approves of mini-skirts, clubbing, dying hair, late night movies etc. Haha. We were flabbergasted.
Especially when she told us that her son dyed his hair green when he went abroad. Mrs Lim is a cool teacher! (:

God is great!
He has been encouraging me to hold on to my dreams. (:
There are many times when I felt like giving up, many times when I thought that it’s impossible to achieve that much.
But Lord, thank You for reassuring me.
I promise, I’ll give off my best for the glory of your name.

But it does not matter to me now
There’s no use getting sentimental
All’s well that ends well

taken outside sch

2008-07-26T16:44:00.002+08:00

2008-07-26T16:40:00.000+08:00

Mdm Yeo is the sweetest teacher, ever! <3

carry your books

2008-07-24T18:25:00.001+08:00

So close I believe
You are holding me now
In Your hands I belong
You will never let me go

Because You are holding me tight,
I’m not gonna fall
Lord, let me not be discouraged
Though I’m reaping in tears
I know I’ll sow in joy

Logo

2008-07-24T18:19:00.004+08:00

My masterpiece. (:

2008-07-24T18:05:00.002+08:00

Pride. How much is it worth?

I LOVE SCHOOL! :D
Great way to start the post! (:

Ashley, Akshaya and I were early for school the other day.
We went into the class when Akshaya opened the door.
As we are all sitting in front, we were lazy to go to the back of the class to switch on the lights.
So we decided to chat in the dark and we thought of something……

We closed the door so others would think that the class was still locked. Akshaya sat at her seat while Ashley and I stood by the windows. Haha. Guess what we did?

First target was Jillian!
Jillian came and waited outside the class.
Me: ‘ Jiiilllllian~’
Jillian looked around but did not see anyone.
Me: ‘Jiiilllllian~’
Jillian saw Phyllis.
Jillian: ‘Phyllis! Phyllis! I heard someone calling my name!’
Phyllis: ‘Are you serious?!’
Both of them were freaked out. Hehe.
Jillian: ‘Open the door. Open the door.’
Phyllis: ‘No, I don’t want!’
Ashley and I were rolling on the floor. Haha.
Jillian: ‘OH! I see someone inside.’
Jillian finally saw Akshaya. Haha.

Next target was Hidayah (turtle xP)!
Hidayah just came and opened the door.
We thought she discovered us.
So I stood by the door and went ‘Boo.’
Hidayah was shocked and turned her way out of class.
(Picture that man!) Haha.
Turned out that she was just trying to see if the class was locked.

Last target was Jessica!
Haha. She freaked us out instead.
She opened the door and walked in.
I went ‘Boo!’
She looked at us and sat down. E-mo-tion-less.

Haha. The enjoyment of life! :p
Jillian was so cute! xD

Me: -random comment to Bean during recess-
‘Ehh, you look like Mr Low!’
People around us: ‘HUH?! HAHAHA!’
Everyone’s expression was priceless. xD

Oh btw, congrats to those whose DSA applications were successful! (: Yay to Phyllis and the others!
I think my iTouch is dying. ):

CL O level LC was pretty hard. Didn’t expect it!
But anyway, thank God! (: It’s officially the end of Chinese! Provided I get my A1 so that I dun have to retake.
Now it’s the anticipation of our results. :/

It’s merely 3 months left to O level.
I’m glad to say that I’ve started with my revision!
Thank God for the determination, strength and self-control. (:

It’s really scary to know that O level is just straight after our prelims. This means that we barely have time for another round of revision. Man, it’s gonna be so hectic.

Although O level is probably the last thing I’m looking forward to, I’m still gonna face it with confidence.
All things are for the glory of God and I have faith in Him.
The expectations I have set for myself are pretty high.
I’ve just realised that I’m very ambitious. xD
Anw, in any case if I fail to meet them, I pray that I’ll take it easy and move on.

Perhaps preparing for Os is one of the most tiring thing ever. But remember that we have a God who is beside us and leading us on.
Take this time to draw even closer to Him instead of neglecting Him. With Christ, all things are possible. (:

Oh. Penny and I have a plan after Os!
We’re going to emo at the beach. Haha. No kidding.
Turned out that we’ve been wanting to do the same thing.
So, we’re going to ECP together but gonna emo at different ends of the beach. Hahaha. I’m excited man!

We’re gonna graduate soon. Yeah, in a matter of weeks.
Man, I really hate the idea of being separated from my friends and teachers whom we’re so familiar with.
This is what life is like, isn’t it?
Just when we’re beginning to treasure our times together,
it’s time to part. Oh well, we’ve just gotta accept it.
At the end of it, all that we’re taking away are memories.
Memories that will last, till the end……

I’m sorry. I just can’t put down my pride.
At least, let me be proud of my first time.

2008-07-13T15:15:00.003+08:00

Tagged by Clarissa! (:

Rules of the game:
A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. How has blogger changed your life?
Dumb question.

2. Do you daydream and if you do what do you usually find yourself 'dreaming' about?
I'm always daydreaming! Yeah, about everything under the sun. Hee.

3. What do you want to be when you grow up?
This is the question I dislike most. Well, I've no ambition. :/

4. What is the city of your dreams and why?
Venice! It seems to be very romantic! I wanna go there with my future boyfriend. Wooo, THAT bridge! AHA!

5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
Both. More of introvert actually.

6. What is your opinion on eating meat?
I don't really like meat. I love veggie. Haha.

7. Do you trust easily?
Absolutely no.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Probably get depressed for some time and pray that I'll get over it. Hee. When I really like someone, I'll not have a change in heart. I had a crush on someone from pri. 1 to pri. 5, until he migrated. HAHA.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Yeah. Trivial things though.

10. What is your worst quality?
I can't stay focused.

11. Is being tagged fun?
Not really.

12. How do you see yourself?
Hmm, someone who's rather weird. xD

13. What do you wish to change about yourself?
Get down to serious studying and stop being a bum.

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Clarissa! My sexaye! Hahaha. Well, she's SMART!

15. What would you do if you won the lottery?
I need time to think about that.

16. Would you rather be in a happy marriage and poor or a bad marriage and rich?
Happy marriage. Hmm, my hubby and I will work hard to be rich. HAHA!

17. Before you go to sleep, what do you usually think about?
I'm always too tired to think. Just zonk out.

18. What question do you want to know the answer to?
Will I get 6 points for O level? Haha.

19. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
The one with better qualities and who loves me more. (:

20. What are your views on love?
1. God is love. (:
2. Love is a verb as it requires some actions.
3. Everlasting love does not exist between men.
Only God's love is everlasting.

Not tagging anyone. Just do it if you want. (:

4e6!

2008-07-05T19:09:00.002+08:00

My AWESOME class! <3

clique+Mdm Yeo

2008-07-05T19:08:00.000+08:00

DEAREST to my heart! <3

2008-07-05T18:48:00.003+08:00

There are more LJ photos on my Flickr account.
Those who took pics with me can download from here.
Credits to Cassandra, CZ and Phyllis for most of the pictures! :D

Even so, my love for you will not change……

Went for the Immersion Programme/Dialogue session with MP ytd. It was alright. I didn’t really learn anything.
Anw, had a great time bonding with my friends. Haha.
A blessing in disguise?
Come to think about it, ytd was quite a lousy day.
Firstly, I lost my way at Farrer Road market and ended up walking around the whole estate.
Secondly, I was really tired.
Lastly, we couldn’t get a cab and I reached home at 11.30pm.
I dislike those taxi drivers and PP (inside joke).

The doctor said that I’m fine.
I dunno if I should be glad or not.
It’s quite hard to believe that it’s just a ‘floating’ rib.
Anw, I should just trust God. He loves me! (:
Btw, the doctor was really nice.
He charged me one third of the consultation fee. :D
Oh, and he said that I’m such a big girl now. Haha!
How much can I grow in a year?
And I didn’t grow any taller too.
Hmm, I wonder what he meant by that.
In case you dunno, he was the doctor who referred me to the hospital when I fell last year and he helped to remove my stitches.

Chinese ‘O’ Level oral was quite manageable. Thank God!
I know I could have done better though.
But we got the topic that we wanted! Trend among teenagers! Haha. Laoshi discussed about that topic in class before.
Too bad, I couldn’t really remember what we discussed.
The amazing thing was that I didn’t feel nervous at all!
I was talking to the teachers as though they were my friends.
Thank God for that! He answered my prayers! (:
Haha. I dun expect to get a distinction but I hope it will at least help me get an A1 for Chinese. Does it sound contradictory? xD

I scalded my finger during Chem pract the other day.
I touched the base of a test tube which I had been heating under a hot flame for 10 min. –Ouch-
Mrs Lim was super cute. I like her nagging. xD
She applied cream and plastered my finger! Aha. So sweet. (:

Qn: Why bread does not contain alcohol?
Mrs Lim: ‘Okay, if bread contains alcohol, Muslims cannot eat bread right? So……’
Miyuki: ‘Oh! So that’s the answer?!’
Haha. In case you dun get it, that wasn’t the answer.
Imagine writing that as the answer for O level……

I have been screwing up tests. ):
This is bad. I should really get down to serious studying.
It’s less than 2 mths to Prelims. :/
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! (:

It’s also time that I cut down on computer usage.
I must stop coming online everyday.
I can fight the temptation! :p

My life is in You Lord
My hope is in You Lord
My strength is in You Lord
In You, It's in You

2008-06-25T17:37:00.004+08:00

The truth hurts......

Learning Journey was really fun! :D
The best of the four years!
It was short and sweet.
Yeah, sweet coz Ms Noraini wanted us to have a sweet day.
So she woke up at 4am to make sweet Malay kueh for us! <3

We went to Arab street.
Had to interview some people about the historical sites.
This learning journey seemed to be more of a class outing.
Haha. We were playing with balloons (those tube kind).
Back to the childhood days. Heh.
This Caucasian lady suddenly came up to me while I was blowing the balloon.
I'm not really sure what happened, but I made a turn and the big balloon hit my face.
So embarrassing man!
Anw, she wanted to know where to buy Crumpler bags.
Haha. So random.

Yup, so we walked and looked around.
After that was lunch at Islamic Restaurant.
Our class filled the whole restaurant!
Ms Noraini wanted us to eat the Briyani with our hands. Haha.
It was really funny. I think I dropped more than what I ate.

We were cam-whoring while waiting for the bus. (:
Went back to school to discuss about the project.
Our group was still blowing balloons in class. Hah.

I think what made the learning journey so fun was the free time, teachers and class!
Pictures will be up soon! (:

The disappointment was far too great.
I thought you were different from the rest.
But I was wrong.
I should have known that all of you are the same.

2008-06-23T18:02:00.003+08:00

When it seems to be coming to an end......

What happened during Emath test today totally freaked me out.
I tried very hard to focus on doing my paper, but I could not ignore the discomfort .
Maybe I'm being hypochondraic, but I can't help but to think that there's something really wrong.
I hope it was due to tiredness, but it doesn't seem so.
When I told my mum about it, I could feel the fear that she had.
I have my fears too.
Lord, what shall I do?
I pray hard that the growth is only a blood vessel.
Perhaps I'm just being paranoid.
But Lord, are you giving me signs that something is wrong?
Please lead me in Your way.

2008-06-21T16:04:00.000+08:00

2008-06-21T15:46:00.000+08:00

Here today and gone tomorrow......

It’s already the end of hols! ): Well, almost.
Semester 2 marks the inception of intensive revision.
And O level is less than 4 mths away! Time waits for no man.
A few more mths together as a class!
Man, the thought of it just saddens me. ):

Anw, my 2 weeks of holiday were rather well spent.
Things that I’ve done:

1.Rest (which includes entertainment)
2.Homework except for Bio TYS, 3 Phy papers and 4 Heymath tests (alright, I know tht’s quite a lot. :/)
3.Started on revision

Yeah, I know it’s rather boring.
At least I managed to get some rest. (:
And gain many kilograms. D:
Many of my study plans were futile.
Boo man, I need to have more self control to resist temptations. Hah.

Went for dental appt on Mon.
Progress doesn’t look optimistic.
Anw, hope things get better during the next visit.
Did I mention that I loathe dental appts?
Waste of my precious time.
The only thing I like about it is that I can drop by Taka’s Food Hall after my appt. xD
Feast! Plus, Japanese candies! :D

Bought a new book! (:
Ollie by Stephen Venables.
It’s a biography of the author’s young autistic son who also battled with leukaemia.
The story began with the son’s burial. ):
Haven’t finished reading, but I bet it’s gonna be heartrending.

Just went for my haircut.
Gosh. My hairstyle is totally changed.
It looks seriously abnormal from the left side. D:
You know, my hair on the right side is much longer than the left. And my front looks like some mushroom.

My mum got a shock when I came home. Haha.
Oh my. I thought it was fine when the hairstylist was cutting.
It's mainly coz I wasn't wearing my spects.
So, after I put on my spects... my expression was D:

Arrgh, no point mourning over it now.
Thank God for hairbands.
At least I'm still able to step out of my house with a hairband on.
Moral of the story is: Expensive stuff may not be good and never ask the hairstylist what is suitable for you.

Alright, a rather short post.
I've gotta treasure my weekends! Hah.

Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord You catch me when I'm falling
And You told me who I am, I am Yours

Image091

2008-06-06T17:45:00.002+08:00

God's creation

Image083

2008-06-06T17:44:00.002+08:00

Do you think it rained?